Merry Merry!

Doesn't the title of this post make you sing "Mary Mary Why You Buggin"? Anyway, just wanted to stop in and tell you that a) I'm sick of watching Harper play Sonic on the Wii and b) that he's abnormally good for a 4 year old at swordfighting on that same Wii.

I'll update with pics later but I have to tell you this story:

Lola is obsessed with Run DMC.  We knew she loved the gangsta rap and hip hop, but here she is, 9 months old and if she's inconsolable we just put on the DMC and she's an angle pie. Like mother like daughter. Over.

Babies Aren't The Suck

So by now everyone knows we're expecting a little surprise in April right?  After Lola was born last March we were giving our tiny baby girl things away to our cute neighbors and I'll admit, I wasn't sad at all. For me, not being sad about having our last baby already here is a big step for me. I LOVE babies. Holy, you don't even know. I could cuddle and snozz with a tiny wee one every day til I die but this time, I wasn't really sad at all. I think I figured that I knew more than the man upstairs did and we just figured we were through. Little did we know.

In June, I thought my new pills were making me sick. In July I figured they were stopping my periods because they were too strong.

Think again, Allison.

Baby Number 7 will be arriving in April, and we couldn't be MORE excited. We waited til we were 22 weeks or so to tell people for a few reasons, but by now everyone knows.

Lola is a big girl. There have been a few people who have been worried that Lola won't get her "due baby attention time"...nonsense. This little girl is the first baby girl in this home in 16 years.  Not that we don't love our boys but trust me, attention going to Lola will NEVER be a problem.  Also, there have been issues raised about finances. Our beliefs are different than some of our loved ones, and we understand their concern, but we have faith. We know that when we're living a happy life and doing what we are supposed to be doing as parents and as a family, magical things happen. Miracles, really.  We make it work, and it always does.

Now that the word's out, I can't wait to fill you in on the details of my daily cravings.  Right?  Just kidding.  I'll let you know if I start wanting to chew on chalk but for now, I just love Milky Way candy bars. Please send me a billion for Christmas.

Thank you in advance for your generous chocolate gifts.

A

P.S.  Today is my parents' 38th wedding anniversary!  Love you guys!  Can't wait to see you in a day or so!  Drive safe!

Thoughts On The Day

It's 12:30 am, the wind is blowing in through my open window, a storm is coming in from the west. Our kids are all home. Every night I walk around the house making sure everyone is in their places. Jonah, Casey and Harper slumber in their room, a movie on the dvd player every night. Twilight and Jingle All The Way are faves. Who cares what they watch, they're the ones who go to sleep fastest.

My girls, they're both in the yellow room. Tv on falling asleep happily to QVC. Who are these people?  I hear Tiffany and Mackenzie, 18 and 16 respectively, happily chatting about something they want, or something that is just plain absurd. I remember the days when they were little, maybe 3 and 5, talking in their bunk beds about how they were going to make up dances and play store and house the next day. Nothing has changed except their ages. They're the same today as they were back then. 

Only Lola gets to fall asleep in my bedroom. I can't resist her. None of us can. She doesn't even crawl yet, and she's just turned 8 months old. The reason?  Every one of us carries her around all day long. She hasn't touched the floor in a very long time. She's a princess and she deserves it. She makes us all smile with her perfectly round face and dark brown long curly hair. I could just gobble her up like a honey baked ham. 

Scary things happen. They do. Every single family has drama. Every teenager goes through a bit of a struggle. Every heart gets broken, every cry eventually turns into a laugh. We're a family. We're puzzle pieces that fit together in love. That's all I could ever want.

Protecting Our Children

Having more than one computer in our home has been the norm for more than 5 years now. With most of our children in school and being teenagers, we use them for homework, for keeping in touch with family and friends who live far away, and we understood that there would be threats. Over the years, we've allowed access to Facebook and YouTube, the normal fun sites we ALL use. We're careful to keep tabs on the history, the downloads and the chat features except for gmail chat and Facebook chat have been blocked. We have a fairly strong net nanny, is what I'm saying.

Let me tell you something.  THIS IS NOT ENOUGH. We have been attacked by someone over the internet. Thankfully, the child this person has attacked is our 18 year old. This only makes it slightly easier, but no less heart wrenching.  We now have 1 computer, and it is in our bedroom.

Thankfully...THANKFULLY...our daughter is the one who came to us. But not before this person had sent a plane ticket and a shuttle last weekend to our home to pick her up. No. I'm not kidding. This has also been going on since the summer. It is disgusting and we can't stop our adult children from doing whatever they want to do, but we're letting her blame us for this "save". She's using us as the reason she can't be with him. Good. If that makes it easier for her to stay away, then awesome. He doesn't know that we also know he told her 2 days ago that he's already mailed her a cell phone so they can sneak around until they can get her to him. This man is over the age of 30. He's almost my husband's age. He is scary.

All and all, she came to us. She told us. She daily has conversations with us, and we are so so proud of her.

People. FACEBOOK. FACEBOOK right in front of our FACES. She's 18, so she can have a profile, but just know that these sick people will pretend to not even know that what they're doing is wrong. Please, watch everything that happens to your kids. Parents who have kids at college?  The same goes for you!  Watch who they talk to. Watch them for signs that they're not feeling happy about themselves, or watch for symptoms of guilt. Tiffany finally came to us because she didn't know how to get out of something that she got herself into this summer. We support her, and continue to stand strong WITH  her.

In the mean time, please, use these resources we've found helpful over the last month:

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/166

http://www.fbi.gov/stats-services/publications/parent-guide/parent-guide

http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=6aa77fae6f3eb010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

Please, please know that these individuals don't always seem terrible, they may not ever mention sex and they may not even want to believe that THEY ARE SICK. They become addicted to your children, and they prey on their emotional insecurities. Tiffany needed someone to "call her" and "check on her" and "visit with her" while she was a teenager, and while she adores Mike, and she says that the reason she came to us is because she knows that Mike and I love her, she's been missing a certain parent for a long time. This sick person filled that spot the that the other parent has neglected to fill for years on end now.

Thank heaven she came to us. We will continue to support her and to get her daily help. She is free to do what she pleases, but we will be here for all of her decisions no matter what they are.

Protect your kids. Talk to your kids. Make sure your kids feel safe talking to you.  Mostly, just love your kids. Love them no matter what.

Thankful

• mike's job
• my amazing clients
• my health
• my testimony
• my children
• milky ways
• diet dr pepper
• good ice
• friends who know when to call
• forgiveness
• Harper's excitement when he's invited over
• Castle Crashers
• little boys and little girls

We're Blessed With Amazing Friends, And You Know Who You Are...

Let me say that the last 3 weeks have been one huge thing after another. Thank you to all my friends who were inspired to call us. We don't call others to blab our troubles, and those of you who are in tune...thank you thank you thank you for being so amazing. Let me tell you, the support we've had has come from people who we didn't even know cared that much. That text at 2 am on Saturday morning?  You know who you are, and let me tell you...you are a sweet love, and we will be friends for eternity, k? K.

Anyway, she's here still, we're still working on it. 3 days in a row without a wink of sleep for Mike and I, and daily trips to LDSFS have taken a toll but we're hanging in there.

Love you so much from the bottom of our hearts,

Mike and Alli Easley

The Hills Are Alive!!!

Tonight we're going to see a free concert at the top of the Provo Town Square parking structure. It's part of the Rooftop Concert Series being sponsored by all kinds of cool companies and people, including the fantastic singer/blogger/tambourine player/couch with wheels driver cjane! Anyway, it's at 8 pm, and Mike and I are taking the "well children"  with us. By "well children", I mean the ones who are not strepped out. That's a fun story for another time.

Anyway, I've always loved hymns. I come from an EXTREMELY musical family, my mother being a concert pianist/music teacher/singer/master of all things music who also has a degree in Music. She's amazing. My dad plays the drums and sings, my brother and my sisters and I all play multiple instruments and sing, so if you want to imagine the Von Trapp family growing up in Vegas singing in church all the time and for groups of people, go ahead. You wouldn't be that far off.

So when I found out about the Lower Lights performing tonight, I knew we had to go.  It's on the top of a parking structure, no seats, just twinkly lights, a crude stage "area" and people sitting on blankets and lawn chairs enjoying music.  This is perfect for us. We need something to do that has everything to do with music and nothing to do with having to be fancy. Not with a 6 month old baby and kids of many other ages.  Now, I don't like any one type of music only, and the Lower Lights are just some really musical folks who live around here that take the hymns I've grown up on and make them into amazing folksy kinds of songs. They're fantastic. You need to buy their album on iTunes immediately. Except if you're my sisters or my brother or my mom, don't get one for Dad for his birthday, I already got it.  Woot.

I could make music my life if I had the real gumption to do it, but I feel like I express my love of it through images, and that's what I'll be doing tonight. Taking pictures and listening and imagining all the things that come to mind when I hear the hymns I grew up on.

Here's an example of what we'll see tonight.

Secret Prayer from The Lower Lights on Vimeo.

Jealous?

If you wanna buy it go HERE, and even if you don't wanna buy it just yet, you can go to that link and listen to the rest of the album, and then you'll probably want to buy it then. I promise.

♥

A Totally Homemade Christmas

Years ago, I would get together with my good friend Tori, and on the phone with my sister Eliza, and we'd talk about the cutest homemade stuff we'd seen in the last few weeks or so. Back then, we had lots of Christmas/Holiday craft stuff to do at church during the year so that always helped. Like minds working together to make our homes more fun and always a gift ideas for friends would be the main event.

These days, with more kids, more states between us, and more time spent on soccer practices and games, homework, part time jobs, teenage drama and baby drama too (at least in MY house, bless my soul), making things by hand has to be scheduled in. Finding time and sharing ideas has become more of a luxury. Blogs have helped me to keep up my ideas, and boy, they never cease to inspire me.

(look at that cute as heck pie that's made in a tiny mason jar!)

In the past I've made gifts totally by hand. Sometimes, this was in the form of a blanket or a quilt, movie buckets that held candy and popcorn and coupons for movie rentals etc....and you get the idea.

So I'm doing this again. I've got ideas that I've found around the internet, tweaked by my own crazy brain, and some things I'll be making I just came up with on my own. I hope they're enjoyed, and I always hope that my loved ones realize how much thought and care goes into it. It's so easy to buy something, but I will make every gift by hand, and each one will be different.

Ambitious? Yes. Fun? Yes. Worth every tantrum and whine to Mike about how "this looks so stupid! They're going to hate this!"? Yes. I think.

Anyone have any plans to do the same? Ideas? Favorite blogs that inspire you? Share! Leave a comment! I wanna see what you're seeing!

It's Also Where The Speed Limit Goes To 80 Miles Per Hour. Crazy Right?

      (photo taken by Allison Easley, August 2010)

With family in Southern California and Las Vegas, we do the drive between the Provo area and there quite often. By quite often, I mean almost once a month. I have driven this drive my entire life, what with my parents both having much of their families residing there my entire life. I was born in Bountiful, Utah, my parents went to school at the University of Utah and BYU, and Utah was also the place where I went to college (the short time I did) and where I had my first baby. It is also the place I had Lola, baby #6!

Utah has always been sweet to me. I loved the family of it all. I loved the weather of it all. I loved the spirituality of it all. Most of all, though, I have to say, is how much I love the beauty of it.

That photo up above was taken by me while I was driving a weird stretch of Interstate 15, right before you get to a place called Nephi. There are no exits, there are no homes, no buildings, no people. Occasionally you'll see a line of cows, trudging along a narrow trail, playing follow the leader with their heads down.  In the summers there are storms. Storms that crop up out of no where. Storms that turn a sunny bathroom break at a gas station into a torrential rain storm in seconds!

I come from pioneer stock. In Mormon speak, that means I have ancestors who crossed the plains from the east to come to the Salt Lake Valley, well over a hundred years ago. Being taught by my parents about my heritage was always something I enjoyed. I used to sing songs about pioneer children singing as they walked...and walked...and walked...and walked. I remember thinking that it must have been fun to be able to play outside all the time with their sisters and brothers, totally naive to the harsh reality of them also being homeless, newborns and grandparents alike, pushing and pulling every earthly belonging along a trail, totally in faith that at some point, there would truly be an end in sight that they could call home.

Lately, life's been tough. Life's been a trail, and a trial. It's been up in our faces, showing us that we're really not in charge here. Every morning I wake up and have a choice. Just like my pioneer heritage, I have a decision to make. I can get up and make it a happy day, or I can lay down again and cry.

Everyone who knows me knows that I lived in the desert when I was 15. At that point in my life, I thought it would be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.  I thought that for sure I'd never have challenges like that again! Ohhhhhhhhhh to be 15 again!

I hear stories of survivors all the time. I read about people who've come through things I cannot even fathom. I look at people around me and see their human traits, see their struggles, and my burdens are so light.

My mom made a comment the other day to me that I think about constantly. She is strong herself, a woman who doesn't express emotions that often, but when she does, boy I listen alright.   She said that the Lord only gives you trials he knows you can overcome. She commented about how strong my back must be to carry these things, and it brought things into perspective for me.  My burdens are light. They really are. These things we bear, they're given to us because we can take it.

Honestly, I can list a billion things that could be worse!  I really could!  It might take me a long time, but I'd sure give it a heck of a try!

Those rains come out of no where. They seem crazy and torrential when we're in them. They soak us, they make us uncomfortable, they may even ruin our most favorite dress, but surely, when we're standing back out of it a little way, when we're still close enough to smell the damp soil, you might just see something that takes your breath away with it's beauty.

We're trying to stand back and see it all right now. What we thought was scary and terrible is really just something that's shaping our landscapes.  2 weeks ago we were being drenched, and today, we're like that picture that I pulled over to take a few months ago up there except with less grass and stuff growing on us. Thank heaven, right?

I'm Just Glad He's Mine, and Mine Alone

Mike's 33rd birthday was yesterday. Actually, it ended an hour and 14 minutes ago. He's sleeping soundly behind me, in clean new sheets, his favorite. This is the 3rd night in as many days that we've had "fresh from the dryer" sheets. Why you might ask?

Harper is sick. Harper stayed up the other night in a weird kind of dreamy state, crying for no reason, totally inconsolable til 3 am.

I told Mike "get a bucket really quick while I hold him, he's going to throw up."

"No. He's not. He'll go back to sleep."

3 minutes later?  Throwing up in bed.

I gave Harper a bath which made him feel tons better, but it was 4 a.m., and he made me sit on the skinny, hard edge of the bath with my feet in with his body so he wouldn't be scared. There we sat, Harper finally happy, talking about video games and he made me tell him funny stories about when he was a baby and he tried to eat his cousin Dylan at the beach. He laughed so hard it echoed through the entire upstairs of the house.

Out of the bath he came, wrapped up in a towel, and Mike had put new sheets on. Fantastic!

The next night, Harper's in our room, laying on the bed. Not like himself. Finally, out of nowhere, he throws up again.

Rinse and repeat, except for this time, it was only 7 p.m.  Thank goodness.

This afternoon. Harper on our bed asleep. Out of nowhere, he wakes up and looks at me with a terrified face.  "Mom. I fart-pooped."

Yep. He did. All over our new sheets and the down comforter we'd gotten out that day. (It's cool at night. That means cool white down comforter weather!!!)  Wash, rinse and repeat once again.

So much for a fun birthday today. Mike had naps, we had good food, we watched tv and did the normal Sunday stuff.  He's such a good sport. He got calls from loved ones for his special day and it couldn't have been more peaceful.

I love this man of mine. He's the best dad, the best husband, the best friend I have ever had. Ever.

Oh and speaking of best husband, tonight we watched the premier of TLC's "Sister Wives". Uh, they live in my small town of Lehi. They actually have 3 wives, 13+ kids, and are taking on a 4th. I think this was filmed last year, so now they must already be married.

Anyway, I went into watching it thinking I'd be disgusted and judge them. The people who live polygamy these days just raise questions for my friends and colleagues who know I'm LDS, and who also think that we practice polygamy, or that these polygamists are Mormon too. Well, the people on the show made it perfectly clear that they're NOT Mormon, that the Mormon church does NOT practice polygamy, and with that, I started to really enjoy the show.

Can anyone say "new addiction"?  It's really good. I know it's illegal to live it, and they're sure to be busted now that the proverbial "Cat is out of the bag", but for what it's worth, I think they run a great household.

I know I couldn't do it.

Mike said tonight it would be too much pressure, too many families to take care of. I agree with him, except, I couldn't share Mike with anyone. Not for a second.

Boy I'm glad I'm not a sister wife.  Mercy.

I Can Hardly Wait Til I Don't Have To Be So Darn Cryptic

There's an indicator in my life that always fires off at certain times. When we're living the way we're really supposed to be living, when we're trying our very hardest to be the best people we can be...this is when the indicator is most apparent.

Lately, obviously, things have just hit the fan. In a huge way. Like, holy-cow-is-this-really-happening kind of way.  

So we've been talking about doing certain things again in our lives. Going to places we haven't been to in a long time again. Visiting areas of our spiritual and personal lives that haven't been getting enough attention lately. The plan was set in motion, things were happening and we were slowly and painfully dipping our toes back into water that has been a stranger for the last year or so.

That's when it all fell apart.

Everything.

Thankfully, our family is tough. We're big tough guys in this house. We're fighters, and that means we freak out for a week or so, and then we say "k, so where do we go from here?" 

That's where we are. We're mapping out our next route, we're planning the next steps because as my wise friend Crystal said the other day "There's nothing you can do to change it now!  Just love it!" 

And boy are we ever.

One of the crazy things is so exciting to me I can't even tell you how I feel. I'm a big glowy mess.

The other thing is more shocking, more scary, more trying and emotional than I ever thought I could experience. I've been through something similar, and it's a good thing because we'd be lost otherwise. 

I'll share everything in good time with everyone, once we're sure where it's all going to end up.

In the mean time, let's not blog about such sensitive issues for a while yes?

____________________________________________________________

So Halloween is coming!  I made chicken stew, sizzler toast and pumpkin pie with real whipped cream last night. Sadly, it's going to be like 80° today, and that makes me crazy, but give me 3 months and I'll be begging for this weather. The grass is always greener right?

____________________________________________________________

Oh and I'm going to stop taking photos in November for a while. It's a decision our family has made, and we're at a point where I need less stress and more Easley time.  I couldn't be more at peace with this decision.

I'm off to meet for the first time and have lunch with 2 photographer gals I met through Facebook who have become some of my favorite friends in the world.   Whaddya wanna bet none of us brings our cameras to document this momentous occasion?!

So Am I Supposed To Look At The Sky And Yell "Why?!" Or Something?

When you have kids of all ages, you have crisis of different stages. Some really aren't a crisis at all, some are just issues. We have lots of issues, who doesn't. And let's be honest, every once in a while I exaggerate. Ok lots of times. I'm dramatic and I say lots of things, mostly because I'm a jabber-mouth. One thing about me, and the people who know me the best know this, is that when it's a really really big issue, or a real bonafide crisis, I don't talk about it. My husband will know, and eventually my bishop. There have been exactly 2 huge things in my life and they've thankfully been spread out over 20 years. Well right now, we're in the biggest one of our lives so far. It involves everyone in our family. It involves 3 different things.

Mike's health?  That's not even what I'm talking about right now...and that's so super scary, to hear that your husband has the health of a 70 year old man. That's not even close to it, that just makes us say "really life?  REALLY?  Right now???"  Actually, I think the things we just found out about caused the health incident, caused the chest pains, caused him to break down.

I want to pull away from everything in the world. I want to change our number, I want to lock our doors, I want to delete this blog, my facebook, delete my email and all of our cell numbers. I want to go on lockdown because I don't think I can handle what's coming our way. Actually, I'm pretty sure I can't.

Remember that post below about everything happening for a reason?  Well I don't know how I feel about that anymore. There's no reason for all of this. There's absolutely no good reason or lesson I can learn from any of this.

I think all I can do is press forward and take care of the people who live in our home and make sure we're fed and have clean clothes, and when this all comes to a head, you won't see much of me for a while. I am dizzy just thinking about it.

I'm tough. I can live with being poor. I can live with being stressed. I can live with pain. This is too much and I'm just writing about it because it's therapeutic to type this.

I can only read blogs by people like Stephanie and Ruth to understand why and how I can continue. I'm sure you'll all know soon enough about what I'm talking about. I wish it were just one big thing, but it's not. Maybe I'll have Mike blog about it. I don't think I can even type it out. I sure as heck can't speak it aloud, trust me, Mike and I tried to say it to each other and the words just wouldn't come.

For now, I'll just be over here counting my sweet blessings, of which I have many.


♥

...And Then It Got REAL...

Two nights ago, Mike started having chest pains and light headedness. Yesterday, he woke my from my nap to tell me that he thought we should go to the emergency room because he thought he might be having a heart attack.

Life is standing still right now.

We went to American Fork Hospital emergency room. They immediately took him in to triage to get his vitals. His blood pressure was so high they thought it was wrong. It was not. They retested him and retested him and still it stayed dangerously high.

They rushed him back to get an EKG and after the test, they hooked him up to more machines and wires and IV's and medications. After hours of tests and XRAYS, they finally told him the news. No indication of a heart attack thank heavens, but dangerously high blood pressure and his general health is bad. He's been put on meds and sent to see a specialist next week.

Life is scary. Things get so scary. Stress is really bad on your health.

I'm just so grateful to have him here. These things hit home and make you cling to each other.

Today he slid close to me in the kitchen to plant a sweet kiss on my lips, and it was all I could do to not cry. I love this  man. His 33rd birthday is next week. I need a billion more birthdays with him. I need them so much you can't even imagine.

If You Really Wanted To Know...

I'm going to be honest with you here. I really dislike it a lot when the weather plays tricks with you. Last week the days cooled down to a delicous 72° and the kids and I all got the urge to get the fall decorations out. It is after all...September. And this is how the decorating schedule works:

September - Fall stuff

October - Halloween stuff

November - Thanksgiving and Christmas things

December - Christmas things

So you see, September is my month for my fall things. Yes, some of these things might be interchangeable, like the fall things could also double as the Thanksgiving things but really, I just look forward to fall. 

Most of the reasons are completely vain. I love scarves. I love sweaters. I love boots and jeans and hats. I love it. 

So if you wouldn't mind, Mother Nature, could you please send Mr. Summer away?  He's worn out his welcome  at my house.  Thank you ever so much.

teeny tiny, shiny, sweet, felty, pretty fun little things!

I find myself in love quite often. I'll be walking down the street in Salt Lake City and see a little shop of antiques or consignments and I'll see a little green chair and I fall in love. We'll be in a book store on the coast in Santa Barbara and there will be a children's book from the 50's that explained the main differences between a boy and a girl and it will be excruciating for me to not buy it! (I have enough books for forty five people) Point is, I fall in love with cute little things. The internet has only worsened my love affair by making said "window shopping" possible not only with a quick click of the mouse, but I can do it in my jammies while eating a peach with a knife in my bed. (like I'm doing right now)

Today, I found this:

It's a teapot charm! Could you just DIE?!  I saw it on this etsy shop today and seriously, I gasped. I am in love. Honestly, is there anything cuter than a tiny porcelain creamer charm?  I can't even STAND it.

And then I came across these:

Those my friends, are shortbread button cookies. They're from here, who borrowed the idea from Eva Juliet (another Etsy gal I adore). (click the links!)

My sister Eliza and I both (I think she's worse than me though) stalk a ton of bloggers who do home decorating projects that cost next to nothing. If you haven't seen, Eliza and her hubby recently re-modeled their laundry room after she'd caught an idea from a crafty blogger. I think Eliza's turned out better than the other girls' did!  Go see Eliza's laundry room here! (clickity click!)

Since Lola will be pulling herself up to everything if not walking by Christmas, I've been fretting over what kind of ornaments to use. We have a lot of glass and breakable things, a lot of wiry dangerous pretty things but I was hoping to find a really cool way to incorporate my love for all things "birdie!" and felt. Here's what I discovered:

You guys, look at their little beaded feet!  Stop it right now!!!  I am making these. Like, this weekend.  Oh and I got the idea from here! (click-away!)

Anyway. such is my love affair. I have a husband who is patient and lets me ramble on and on about things and these things are some of the things he lets me ramble on about. Things. Little handmade or sweet things. At least it's free to window shop right?

UPDATE!!!  Look at all the awesomeness on this lady's etsy!  I want EVERYTHING. The end.

talk about elephant tears...

Sweet Lola-bird has been squeezing these out her entire life. Even when she was born, the nurses would remark "oh my heavens, that one sure knows how to cry when she wants to" and "Hollywood can't teach people how to get natural tears that big!!!"  You got that right. This one's genuinely sad when she cries, but boy oh boy does she know how to get the waterworks flowing.

This is because I didn't put on the Jack Black episode of The Gabba today fast enough for her liking. (The episode was about Friends, she loves it. Who doesn't love friends?  And who doesn't love Jack Black? I mean really...)

Poor thing, laying in a big fluffy bed with her mama til 10 am watching her shows and she had to wait for 2 seconds while the DVR loaded?!  She has the patience of Job.

I'm In Need of Ganache

I've decided I either really love chocolate or I really hate it. Just thought you should know that.

These letter things are so weird, but I'm making one anyway

H - happy all the time
A - always smiling
P - probably the best husband ever
P - peppy
Y - yellow, since he's 1/2 asian

A - another man couldn't ever take his place
N - nifty and
N - nice
I  -  intelligent
V - versed in all things philosophical
E - energetic when he wants to be
R - ridiculously handsome
S - smooches me all day long
A - a real winner
R - rock star
Y - you can't believe how lucky I am to have him


I love you, Mr. Easley.  Happy Anniversary...

I like listening to the Gorillaz new album while I work, FYI

I'm getting behind in work. It's not because I want to. It's because there's something WRONG with me. I'm sick, I'm tired, I'm emotional, and I blame the birth control pills.

Also, I blame the fact that it's my 5 year wedding anniversary in 2 days and there's no money for gifts. He's probably got some nifty clever card he made himself all ready in his secret place and when I see it, it will just scream "Mike made this and it's awesome!" and I will cry and sadly hand him the bag of  Jolly Ranchers I will probably get him.

I hate being poor, but I hate not having something to show Mike my appreciation even harder. I guess I could just scrub my bathroom for him. He'd feign happy and say "aw. Thanks honey. I love a clean toilet!" with real believability, but yeah. I'd rather take him to Morton's (click!) Do they even have Morton's in Utah?  I don't think so. Utah doesn't like to be that fancy.

Anyway...mais non, it's not for this year either. Every year I say "on our 5th anniversary, I'll do something really really nice for him"...but yeah. Here we go and no. Not this year either.

I'm thinking he probably won't want me to get him a bike but that's totally doable. There's a dude down the street who NEVER puts his bike away.  If Michael wants it, I'll totally steal it for him.

reasons schmeasons here come the seasons!

There's something that crosses my mind a lot. Do things just happen or do they happen for a reason?  I usually flip back and forth between these thoughts and wonder what is going on when good and bad things occur in my life.

Lately, I'm leaning toward "for a reason". 

My daughter Mackenzie is 16 on Tuesday. Tuesday is the anniversary of her birth. She was early, hair covering her sweet tiny head, and when she got here Tiffany finally had a sister. We were beyond excited and she was the easiest baby I've ever seen. She smiled early, walked early and couldn't wait to run. She talked on her first birthday video...a tiny little thing with a shoulder length bob...sitting on the front porch of our house. The video turns to her, binkie in her mouth, and her grandmother Sharla asked her "Hey Kenzie...what'cha doin?" and Miss Mackenzie pulled out her bink and perfectly said "Wanna ride a bike?"  Yes. On her very first birthday.   This week is sad for me because it's a bad year. Things are getting better with Mike starting his new job today but for the most part, there will be no presents for a month. She's sweet and won't complain, but I know it hurts her. We're trying, Mackenzie. Things are getting better.  You know we love you so so so much.  

These things happen for a reason. This year, maybe she'll remember that we can give her love instead of monetary things.  Hopefully, she'll remember it later and say "I learned something about love that day..."

Mike and I got to a point the other night where we realized that we needed to work on some things. No, things aren't bad, but there comes a time where you look at each other and say "whoa, we're totally on different roads!"  Thankfully, these roads weren't far from each other.  Just side-by-side sort of. Marriages shouldn't be two people living side by side. They should be two people walking together, holding hands, so that if something dangerous comes down the road, the other one can yank them out of the way of trouble. We were there on Saturday. I noticed that we were on two roads. I woke him up at 11:30 at night and said "lets go for a walk". It was warm at first but after 2 hours, it got cold. We were sitting at the park and the sprinklers came on, and still we stayed and talked. I talked mostly at first. I talked while we did an entire lap around our neighborhood. Then he talked. I interrupted saying that he'd misunderstood what I was saying before and he asked me to just listen. I listened. I'm so glad I did. We walked home at 3 am. I know I didn't sleep at first, and from how he was breathing, I know he didn't either. Lots of thinking, I assume, like me. 

This morning, we were brand new. What a terrific feeling. We don't argue, Michael and I. We never fight. It's weird and awesome. We just get busy and forget sometimes that we're madly in love with each other. 3 weeks ago we were at a concert just totally dancing to the music and as close as you can be, and then a few weeks later, we would take care of family things and work and then fall into bed asleep. We both decided that we need to spend every night with the tv off so we can talk about the day and I can giggle at his dry humor and he can laugh at my stupid jokes.  This is where we find each other. In humor, and in friendship. I love this man.

These things happen for a reason. This year, especially, has been difficult. We've had financial trouble, but things are really looking up. This new job of his is giving us lots of hope. I know this happened right now so we could be ready for the good things coming our way.

My kidneys are full of stones. I went to the doctor and they told me they'd pass. They scheduled me for a CAT scan, and on the day of the scan, I canceled. This was a month ago. Something told me not to get radiation. I really was sick about it. I stayed up all night, I got up in the morning to call the doctor to tell him I was worried, and he said "let's postpone it. We know they're there from ultrasounds, but we can just wait to do the scan for a while."  I worry a bit that this stupid feeling I'm having means something is really wrong, or that I shouldn't be radiated any more than I have been in the past. I've had so many CAT scans, what with gallbladder issues and stones in the past. Really, minor things. But radiation no less.  We'll see. I'll do it in a month. Maybe this feeling is because our insurance cancels this month. I have no insurance for 90 days.  We'll see.

These things happen for a reason. I'm unsure of what that reason is, but maybe I'll find out, maybe not. That's the way inspiration works.  

In other news, these birth control pills are making me sick. SICK!  Too much information?  Oh well. Deal with it. 

This too happens for a reason, but it's totally a hormonal, scientific reason, so I don't wonder too much about the reasoning here.  

Oh and I really love my family. Taylor and Mandy were here, they brought their boys!  We had a party at Eliza and Curtis' house tonight, Curtis ran the bbq (seriously, he's the best bbq'er I've honestly ever met. He nails the chicken EVERY TIME. It's always moist!  How does he do that??? Also, he knows how I like my steak...bloody and as rare as it gets but just barely brown on the edges. He nails that  every time, too. He deserves a trophy or something. I should look into getting him one) while the kids played. Harper got tired and so did his cousins and fights ensued but really funny ones where 6 year old Isaac said awesome stuff that I wrote down in my cell phone notes because seriously, that kid is awesome. Yes, they were sort of mean to Harper but I layed on the stairs with my face in the carpet just laughing at the comments even while Harper cried. Why?  Because honestly...Isaac is a comedic genius. I adore that kid.

I sure love Eliza. She's always willing to have parties at her house. Appropriately, her house is the biggest so it works that way, but she cleans up the mess that I know we leave, and she's generous and sweet and she's the best. And we're only 16 months apart in age. This makes her even more awesome. Every year when I turn the next age, I know she'll be right behind me, turning into the year I just left. She just turned an age last week. I won't say which, but it starts with a 2 and ends with a 9. Right Eliza?  

Now, to get my bedroom clean since I just unpacked today from my trip that I got home from on Tuesday. Lazy much?

Oh and fall is here. I like living where there are seasons. Mmhmm...

blogging is dumb but it really isn't, so I do it. It's also my 8th year anniversary of blogging. Weird.

Mackenzie got asked to Homecoming. Thing is, I'd feel really super old but she's a junior. And Tiffany is an adult. I have an adult child. I'm in my mid 30's. What the???  So wanna make it even more crazy?  Sure!  Why not?  I have an adult child, I have one in high school, I have one in middle school, I have one in elementary school, I have one in pre-school and an infant. I have one in every phase of young life. Isn't that bizarre?

I love it. I really really love it.

P.S. Tomorrow is Mike's last day at his job. He's been there over 2 years and has learned all he can from that place, and he's moving on to an Ad Agency. Something that is really super interesting to him. When Daddy's happy, Mommy's happy, and vice versa.

P.P.S It's our 5th wedding anniversary next week.

P.P.P.S. Have I mentioned that he's The One?  Ok good, cuz he is.

a whole lot of rambling, but mostly because I like to ramble

there's an unmistakable feeling in the air. It's the same feeling I get every year at this time. We sleep with our windows open and in the morning we're almost too chilly to only have our light summertime blanket over our bodies. Every morning I say to Mike "should we get the down comforter out?" and he always says "maybe". That means "you decide" because he's really sweet like that. He will make due with whatever I choose.

I drove home to Utah late last night from this last trip to Las Vegas and Southern California. The drive was long and Tiffany puked all over herself and all over the car, but for the most part, it was beautiful. Honestly, when you're coming from Vegas, almost anything is more nice to look at but the drive north home is stunning and it comes incrementally. First, The Gorge. Really?  It's just stunning. You see these cliffs that reach so high up you almost can't see the tops even when you crane your neck out the window. Then you automatically look down below the road and the valleys are red and sparse, but with a muddy river crawling across it. I could tell you a joke about that river but I won't. (yes I will. I once heard this from a Young Women's/church leader on the way back from Girls' Camp in Brian Head. question "why do they call it the Virgin River?" answer "because you never see the bottom of it!")

After The Gorge, you reach St. George. St. George...where do I start?  I spent a zillion summers there as a kid. We had a family condo on a golf course there. Every summer we'd go and mostly during the 4th of July. Tennis would be on tv and our parents would watch it while we'd go outside on the lower deck and eat a billion otter pops. Dads would go golfing at 6 am to beat the heat and they'd be back around noon to take the kids swimming. I loved it! I realize now they were trying to cool off since St. George frequently reaches over 100° during the days. Sometimes over 110°!  Heaven love them and their dedication to the sport!  Anyway, we'd play mermaid or superman and wonderwoman all while jumping in and out of that pool. I loved that pool.

Around noon we would head inside to have some kind of lunch, most often tuna fish sandwiches or pb&j, which was just fine to us because we also got to have as many fresh picked apricots as we could stand. Chips were abundant and so was kool-aid!  After that, the mom's would go golf. In the heat. Really?  Now that I'm an old lady, I wonder how they did that. Bless their hearts. While the moms were golfing, we'd all smear lotion on our burnt backs and cheeks and play Uno upstairs in the cool bedrooms that are still where I imagine my "happy place" to be even to this day when I'm in need of going to such a place in my head.  Imagine cool rooms with fluffy beds and plenty of paper and crayons and markers to use.

Dinner was either made at home or we'd go to the famous Pizza Factory that was/is owned by our family friend Bill. All of us and the cousins would get pizza and a salad bar. Even as little kids. SALAD BAR!  I realize now how strange that is but even my own kids and even my brother's kids still do that. As a matter of fact, in Vegas yesterday I was visiting with my sweet sister in law Mandy as she got her boys ready for school. (Side note, she was in a cute dress with an apron on. She's adorable and I love her.) She asked them what they wanted for lunch. Derek, who is 5 asked for toast with jam. Dylan asked for salad with ranch. How cute is that?  Anyway, dinner-pizza factory. Good. Oh and then we'd beg for a new tshirt from there. Most often we'd get matching shorts too. The 80's were awesome.

Anyway that was a super long rant about St. George, but that's where my memories lie. I could go on and on about St. George but I'll save it for another time. PS to my blogging cousins and siblings, I reserve the right to blog about the Ghost Hunt. It's mine. SO there.

Next you crawl up I15 up toward Cedar City. Lava rocks and green trees and red sand and cliffs?  What else can I even say?

Then miles and miles and miles of open grassy areas pouring out in the middle of hills covered with trees. Farmers water their land with those big long pipes with huge wagon wheels on them. I've always been fascinated with those watering devices. What are they called, anyone?  Anyone?  So curious!

Beaver!  Cheese factory!  Super clean X-Large bathrooms at the Texaco!  That's all I know about Beaver.

Fillmore, no reception on my phone.

Nephi!  All I can say about Nephi is that when my adorable soon-to-be husband Mike was getting baptized, we made a trip up to Utah with Tiffany. We took him to see all the sights of SLC, and Temple Square. It was the most spiritual trip of my life, and I loved every second of it. What does that have to do with Nephi? We were stopped in Nephi and saw my old van. The one I shared with my ex-husband. See, our divorce had been final for about a week and Mike and I were on our first "real" date and we stopped in Nephi to go to the restroom and there it was. I guess my ex-husband was meeting a girl for the first time there, she lived in Idaho. Anyway, it was weird to see my old car at a random gas station in the middle of nowhere. My ex married that gal about a week later. Mhmmm.

So then you come over this hill into the Utah Valley. I always get happy there, and it is called Happy Valley, so it fits. The mountains are awesome, you see Timpanogos in the background hovering over everything and the legend of that mountain (click!)  is so beautiful and sad at the same time, it just feels spiritual even looking at it.

Anyway, the drive yesterday was long and tiring, but the sights and views were astounding as always and waking up to the crisp air that reminded me that fall is peeking over the horizon just made it an even happier homecoming. Hey fall, hurry up. I have scarves I wanna wear.

Last week of August and um what the heck? Why is it almost Christmas? Sick.

Disneyland. Where do I start?  I don't.  I can't even go there. I love it so much. I want to live there but I can't.   Anyway, why is it so hot here in California this week?  Seriously?  Also, why have there been floods, mud slides, fires, torrential rain, hail, wind storms that knock out power, dangerously high surf and earthquakes all while I've been here?  Maybe God wants me to not live here. Also, Mike got a job in Park City. I love Park City.  WOOT!

thank's for nothin' egg dudes

Last week I got sick something fierce as in I was puking all day, I even threw up in the bathtub. Yeeeeah. In case you aren't quite getting the visual, baths do not have drains that are compatible with (WARNING:  The following contains graphic content describing vomit. Pregnant women should quit reading now) puke that contains huge chunks of zucchini and sausage. So here I am, passing out from dehydration, so weak I could barely hold my head up, my ears are muted,  my eyes are seeing spots and blackness and I'm trying not to throw up in the tub. Somewhere in my mind I knew that if I passed out, I'd hit my head so I sat down immediately. So here I was, sitting in the tub, puking between my knees and it's running toward the drain. Let's just say I had to clean it up by hand...good thing the toilet was right next to the bath. I know. I'm disgusting. I'm disgusting. Throw stuff at me or shut up.

So anyway, guess what I'd eaten the night before:  zucchini and sausage...but with eggs. I'd had scrambled eggs too. Guess which eggs.  The recalled ones. (click)

This is why everyone needs to have a farm and to live off of their land. Anyone know of any chicken farms in Lehi?  I'm over the store kind.  They're sick. Literally.

and all I can think about is scarves

It's almost September. It is. It's crazy. The best part of Utah is the fall. I dare anyone to tell me that Utah in the fall isn't the most perfect place on earth. Since there are so many colleges around (like billions) the football games start up, people start wearing the shirt that represents their "team" and for your information, I'm neither Blue nor Red. (I don't want to decide!) But I do love my scarves. The girls and I share nearly 30 scarves. Don't be jealous.

There are a few other things I love about the coming season. One of them being the apples that grow so abundantly in the fall. I just love homemade apple pies. Once upon a time my friend Tori and I ordered 2 huge boxes of apples to be delivered to us in Las Vegas. We were new mothers, new wives, new homeowners and we thought we'd be ever-so-domestic by making some pie filling to freeze for the year. We purchased an apple peeler that clamped onto my counter top and away we went.  It started out fun, we laughed and talked as we went, always making sure to keep the leftover peels tidily in a garbage can. After about an hour of cranking that peeler things changed. Babies were crying, kids noses were running, my phone kept ringing and those apples, those boxes of apples...well, they seemed to be multiplying. Kind of like the loaf of bread and the fish story.

I looked at Tori and she looked at me and we both decided that one box of apples for the pies was enough. I think we spent 10 hours that day, turning only 1 box of those apples into carefully trimmed, thinly sliced, cinnamon and butter seasoned apple pie filling that we packed neatly in our freezers. Granted, I used every one of my 100+ bags of pie filling, but I don't think I'll do that again. Berries?  Yes. Things that need to be peeled and lemon'd and seeded and sliced?  Not so much.  I will say that everyone of my neighbors thought I was the Apple  Queen, and all of the sick ladies at church came to expect a pie for the next year from me, and that thought makes me almost want to take on this challenge again. It is, you know, almost apple season again.

I also love walking in the crisp air without mosquitoes. I hate mosquitoes.  What are mosquitoes even for?  Why are they on the earth? Can anyone fill me in on this mystery?  I have to wear a scarf now in the evening when I go walking and it isn't even really cold enough for that. I have to protect my neck, you know. See, and we've come full circle. It really is all about scarves.

yeah probably not the best looking lunch ever

Guess what I had for lunch today. This was all on one plate mind you...

• collard greens with vinegar on them
• 1/2 can of creamed corn
• 1 big fat spoonful of cottage cheese

Yeah, it makes me sick just thinking about it but boy was it good. Also, I just realized all of those foods started with the same letter. And on that note:

Today's post was brought to you  by the Letter C.

anybody have a membership to Heavenly AAA I can borrow?

I've never been one of those people who dillydallies. Except for when I was 13 and I was in the bathroom before church, perfecting those bangs so I could be cute for all the boys in my ward. Then I'd hear the call as my dad was standing at the end of the hall "Quit dillydallying!  Let's GO!"  Back then?  I liked to dillydally. Otherwise, I've been in a rush to do pretty much everything in my life.

This has caused a pretty fair amount of grief for me. Hastily made decisions about love, or quickly moving toward a purchase...these types of things seemed to haunt me until a few years ago when mortality stood up and yelled directly in my face "Heeeyyyy!!!" during a bizarre series of events. These events finally broke my fast-lane race to nowhere in particular.

Suddenly, I liked to take my time. To make decisions carefully. My first slow and prayerful decision to file for divorce had a huge pay-off. "So THIS is what making a good decision is like..." and just like that, I was addicted. One might even say I was obsessed. Thus, I've become the opposite, in a crazy switch of events. Some might call it a 1/3 life crisis. I call it "learning from my mistakes."

So here I am today, making decisions that are slow and low, changing here a little, there a little, and even if there seems to be something impending, I'm wary of making a "rash" decision, having been burned by the hot stove of immaturity in the past.  Does this serve me better?  Yes and no.

First of all, the decision to marry my husband. Anyone who knows me knows that everyone I meet is my VERY!  BEST!  FRIEND! immediately after meeting them. Likewise, every boy I ever met was The One. This time I knew, but didn't want to be crazy so I went on denying that I really felt like that for him, until (for heaven's sake) he was right there in my face and we had a clear path. Then I admitted it. Score 1 for me. (Pshh, score 1 for Mike, what am I talking about!?)

Secondly, the choice to move to Utah. We wanted to come up here months before we moved but I carefully weighed our job situation and until we had a secure job that could support our family, we waited. We came up here for a few reasons, one of them being to be by my sister and her kids, which has been awesome but the main reason being so the kids' dad could see them as much as he wanted.  Good choices on both accounts. We've done our part in this and it's payed off, sometimes in surprising ways that seem negative at first, but in the end, all it's done is shown the kids that we really, really love them and that we will make sacrifices for them on their behalf. They see this, they know it, and all but one of them has thanked us for what we do for them. The other one, well, he's torn, but last night, out of nowhere, he said that he sees. We just want them all to be loved by as many people as they can be. Score 1 more for mature kids!

Thirdly, I've been making decisions about my health the last few years. I hated wearing clothes that could be made into bed spreads. I disliked very much having to shop at the big end of the store, and I for sure hated feeling like garbage. Mike and I made a conscious decision well over a year ago when I got sick to change the way we lived. We walked every night, we ate well, locally and sustain-ably and we tried to limit the amounts of times we ate out per month to 2. It worked. It was a slow process, but it worked. I lost almost 1/2 my body weight and he lost a significant amount, and my health improved. I even got pregnant and STAYED pregnant!  Those changes stuck, and to this day, even after having a baby, I'm still almost 1/2 the weight I was when we moved here a little over 2 years ago. Score 1 for The Gap!

So now, at a time where we need to make a decision really quickly, where do I find the guts to go back to that old way of life?  How do I find balance?  Big road blocks are in our path and we're butting up against them right now. Unfortunately (and fortunately all at the same time) Mike is King Dillydally of Takeyourtimeland. We need to make decisions RIGHT NOW but we're worried. We're scared to jump in. Me, miss fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants, scared to make these decisions? Because they seem terrible?  Yes, because they seem terrible. Also, because they seem like a step backward in the progress we've made, up front at least.

I'm such a homebody. I could stay at home and read and play with the baby and put on impromptu musicals and make posters about fake restaurants and play lounge singer and make up songs all day with my kids until the cows come home, but right now, the urge and the fire has been lit but yet I don't wanna react because there is no clear answer ahead!  Just the fire to go! We need to move where we can fix our situation. We want to fix this situation, but we're stuck in the mud. I need a boost from the Big AAA Tow Truck in the sky right now. It's exhausting.

In other news, I'm retaining water like a freakin' sponge. That's always good for one's self-esteem.

she just needs her mama, that's all

Something's been coming over me the last few months. It all started when I had miss lola-bird. Something about how peaceful the morning of her birth was. I'd gone into my doctor the week before and they checked me out and said that my blood pressure was up a bit. This for me is normal, but my sweet doctor J. (no, not THE Doctor J, but yes, that fabulous) said he wanted to be safe so we scheduled me for an induction on my 39th week of pregnancy, the following Friday. I was ok with this because I'd been having weird feelings and I'd shared them with Dr. J. So Friday came and the cute nurses at American Fork Hospital called me at 5:45 am and asked me if I could be there in 30 minutes. They had an early opening. I shook Mike awake and said "It's TIME!" which for us means "they're going to induce me now!" since I don't go into labor (when it's time, at least, I can't say the same thing about the first 30 weeks of pregnancy. Figures, right?) on my own.

I showered, shaved my legs and got to the hospital (which is 15 minutes away) in 35 minutes. Fast showers are the best. So is wearing your hair long and straight. Easy peasy. We got into the room, filled out all the paperwork, met our AMAZING nurse Paula and got the iv's started and settled in. By 8:30 the pitocin was causing contractions and I was already dilated to a 2, so we thought we'd have a while til the contractions started coming harder. Fast forward to 9:00 am.

I look at the husband and say to him "something's wrong". He says "what's wrong?" I say "I dunno, something" so he says "Call Paula". I call the nurse, tell her something's wrong. She asks a few questions, and tells me that she wants to check me. She checks me and says "whoa. You're at a 7". For those of you who don't know what that means, that means I'm almost done. In 30 minutes, I went from "eh, let's maybe have a baby by midnight" to "ok, so your body is really trying to get this baby out NOW".

I am having contractions that are super intense, and it comes the time where I have an epidural or not. Now here's where it gets tricky. I wanted to have Miss Lo with no epidural. I went in there thinking I'd say no. I had Casey with no epidural (#4) and Tiffany with no epidural (#1) so it was totally one of those things I knew I could do. The pain wasn't any different than it was with the others, and I knew it was happening fast, but something told me to get it. So I got it. It only worked on half of my body. When I say half of my body, I mean

that absolutely literally. Epidurals are in your spine. Mine only took care of my right side. Period.

So there I was, feeling everything in my left side of my body, trying to breathe through the fastest labor in the universe when 2 nurses come walking in, but really quickly. One comes to my left side to mess with my iv, the other, my nurse Paula, she comes over and tries to move the fetal heartbeat monitor around on my belly. I asked her what was wrong. She says "well, we keep getting YOUR heartbeat on the baby monitor, so we want to make sure the baby's heart rate isn't that low." The other nurse informed me that she was turning the pitocin off because I was going 1000 mph. at this point and definitely didn't need help getting this baby here.

After 10 minutes of not finding the baby's correct heart beat consistently, they opted to break my water so they could put the baby on a monitor attached to her scalp. As soon as they did this, things got crazy. Lola's heart beat WAS the one they thought was mine. With every contraction, her heart would go from her normal 150-160 beats per minute to 45-50 beats per minute. They rolled me onto my left side then we waited... They rolled me onto my right side then we waited... nothing helped. 10 minutes of this, and with each contraction, I'd look at Mike and start to pray aloud.

Please Heavenly Father, please help Lola. Please get Dr. Jones over here to get her out.

Mike was in a trance. He couldn't even move. He was silent.

Finally, Paula said to the other nurse "Get Doctor J. here. Now" and the other nurse said "he's here. He just walked in for another patient...."

Dr. Jones walked in and said (with a smile on his face as always...) "So what's going on here? This baby being naughty already?" (those doctors know how to keep you so calm...)

Just at that moment, Lola's heart just stopped. Literally. Just...stopped. Mike stood up immediately and I looked at the clock and watched 5...10...15 seconds tick by. Doctor J walks over to the nurse who looks like she's seen Jacob's ghost and takes the forceps out of the nurse's hands, walks over to me, says "you're at a 9. Let's just get her here" and the next thing I know, the bluest baby you've ever seen is being handed to me.

"She just needs her mama, that's all" he says.

Lola-bird had her cord wrapped 4 times around her neck. Every contraction pulled it tighter. The cord was also the size of a straw, which I've since learned is about 1/4 the size of a normal umbilical cord. She needed to come out.

I talked to Dr. J later when he came to visit me in recovery. "See, always trust your gut feelings, even if they seem crazy" he said. "I can't tell you how many times I've learned the hard way to just trust a woman's feelings over the years"...

He calls them gut feelings. I like to call it intuition. Intuition fueled by the promptings of the Holy Ghost. What a gift it is to be a woman.

That's what's been coming over me. This feeling that I'm here for a greater purpose, that there's something out there for me to do, and that I'm not alone. Sometimes the days are dark, and adversity gets the better of us, but really...I feel surrounded by light. I feel loved. I feel like I can take care of these people even when financially, it seems like I can't. Also, I'm just so blessed to have this little birdie. I can't resist her. Can you?

about a gal

I'm Allison. Also called Alli. I'm also called mom, honey, mama, mommy and jerkface (but only by Eliza, Taylor and Ashley, my siblings. Oh and it's said with love, don't go getting upset now...)

I live. I just need to say that.

I also write. I have had a blog for the past 8-9 years. Yes, for real.

I also take photographs. For people and friends and brides and sweet new mothers and for occasions and holidays and for myself.

I'm feeling a lot lately, so I'm back to blogging. Don't get your hopes up, I'm doing it for myself only so I won't be trying to entertain. I'll just be real. How's that?

Sweet.

In Which We Discuss Lola

Yesterday I went to my regularly scheduled appointment with Dr. Jonesie. He came in, made small talk and it didn't take long before he was sending me again over to the hospital next door "just to make me feel better". He said "me"...not me. You know what I mean. So then I go out to my car and drive 14 spaces over to the hospital, walk inside to the elevators and call in to the nurses so they can let me into the Labor & Delivery area. Just so you know, even Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible couldn't break into this area. It's secure and more intimidating are the pastel colored scrubs draped nurses who wait inside for anyone who comes down the hall. Trust me, they may look innocent but I assure you, they're not. They're scary. Like the Pope.

Anyway, nurses hook me up assuring me the entire time that this should only take about 15 minutes because we're just looking for normal accelerations and decelerations in her heart and that 99% of babies respond to voices and sound and prodding so it shouldn't take long. *cue Jeopardy theme song*

2 hours later, they realize what I've been telling them the whole time. Lola is mellow. She kicks yes, but only when she's uncomfortable and even then, it's more like an aggressive'ish stretch. Oh and then sometimes she will give you a good stand up, and I'm grateful that this doesn't happen often as I think she's figured out that I'm only 5'3". We gotta work with what we got, right?

So after they all "oooh" and "awww" about how mellow she is they bring in this vibrating button gun, which to me looked and sounded a WHOLE lot like a taser. Yep dude, they effing TASED my baby...but you best believe it got her heart racing. Boy howdy did it ever. I'm sure she was sobbing in there. So I told the nurses half jokingly that they were rude and got my shoes on and left.

I went downstairs to the coffee shop to get an orange juice and while I was walking down the long hospital halls, I called Mike. I told him about the whole experience and how little Lola was so mad and how she's just mellow and wants to relax but if you piss her off she will really let you have it.

ME: "Babe, I tried to tell them that she's just really mellow. She's not in distress, how many times do we have to have a Non-Stress Test? I mean really? She's just the opposite of me. She's just chill and she just wants to hang out. She's not DEAF, she's just listening."

HIM: "Welcome to my life..."

Yep. Still Pregnant.

So today I have my 38 week appointment at my OB's office. This means that we have 2 weeks until Lola is due, but in the state of Utah, this means they won't induce me for another week after that, at least. I'm ok with this for these reasons:

I don't have anything I need for the baby. Oh. That's only 1 reason but still, it's a big one. I think.

The reason I DO want her here is illustrated in this little timeline for you:

11:30 am - realize that I have to think about getting ready for my appointment

12:30 pm - think again about getting ready

1:30 pm - get in the shower so I can leave by 3

2:00 pm - get out of shower and lie on bed for 30-40 minutes thinking about how exhausting showers are

2:30 pm - blow dry hair and put makeup on

3:00 pm - cry the whole way to the doctors office because of exhaustion from putting mascara on BOTH. EYES.

Sense my apathy? How about lethargy? Ok good. Number 6 is number DONE, btw.

Breakfast at 36 Weeks

Me: Hmm...what sounds good for breakfast today? Doritos? NO!

(scour the fridge, spot some shredded lettuce from dinner the night before)

Me: Salad! Yes! With doritos crushed on top. Score.

Doesn't lettuce cancel out the doritos? I thought so too.