Sunday, September 5, 2010

reasons schmeasons here come the seasons!

There's something that crosses my mind a lot. Do things just happen or do they happen for a reason?  I usually flip back and forth between these thoughts and wonder what is going on when good and bad things occur in my life.

Lately, I'm leaning toward "for a reason". 

My daughter Mackenzie is 16 on Tuesday. Tuesday is the anniversary of her birth. She was early, hair covering her sweet tiny head, and when she got here Tiffany finally had a sister. We were beyond excited and she was the easiest baby I've ever seen. She smiled early, walked early and couldn't wait to run. She talked on her first birthday video...a tiny little thing with a shoulder length bob...sitting on the front porch of our house. The video turns to her, binkie in her mouth, and her grandmother Sharla asked her "Hey Kenzie...what'cha doin?" and Miss Mackenzie pulled out her bink and perfectly said "Wanna ride a bike?"  Yes. On her very first birthday.   This week is sad for me because it's a bad year. Things are getting better with Mike starting his new job today but for the most part, there will be no presents for a month. She's sweet and won't complain, but I know it hurts her. We're trying, Mackenzie. Things are getting better.  You know we love you so so so much.  

These things happen for a reason. This year, maybe she'll remember that we can give her love instead of monetary things.  Hopefully, she'll remember it later and say "I learned something about love that day..."

Mike and I got to a point the other night where we realized that we needed to work on some things. No, things aren't bad, but there comes a time where you look at each other and say "whoa, we're totally on different roads!"  Thankfully, these roads weren't far from each other.  Just side-by-side sort of. Marriages shouldn't be two people living side by side. They should be two people walking together, holding hands, so that if something dangerous comes down the road, the other one can yank them out of the way of trouble. We were there on Saturday. I noticed that we were on two roads. I woke him up at 11:30 at night and said "lets go for a walk". It was warm at first but after 2 hours, it got cold. We were sitting at the park and the sprinklers came on, and still we stayed and talked. I talked mostly at first. I talked while we did an entire lap around our neighborhood. Then he talked. I interrupted saying that he'd misunderstood what I was saying before and he asked me to just listen. I listened. I'm so glad I did. We walked home at 3 am. I know I didn't sleep at first, and from how he was breathing, I know he didn't either. Lots of thinking, I assume, like me. 

This morning, we were brand new. What a terrific feeling. We don't argue, Michael and I. We never fight. It's weird and awesome. We just get busy and forget sometimes that we're madly in love with each other. 3 weeks ago we were at a concert just totally dancing to the music and as close as you can be, and then a few weeks later, we would take care of family things and work and then fall into bed asleep. We both decided that we need to spend every night with the tv off so we can talk about the day and I can giggle at his dry humor and he can laugh at my stupid jokes.  This is where we find each other. In humor, and in friendship. I love this man.

These things happen for a reason. This year, especially, has been difficult. We've had financial trouble, but things are really looking up. This new job of his is giving us lots of hope. I know this happened right now so we could be ready for the good things coming our way.

My kidneys are full of stones. I went to the doctor and they told me they'd pass. They scheduled me for a CAT scan, and on the day of the scan, I canceled. This was a month ago. Something told me not to get radiation. I really was sick about it. I stayed up all night, I got up in the morning to call the doctor to tell him I was worried, and he said "let's postpone it. We know they're there from ultrasounds, but we can just wait to do the scan for a while."  I worry a bit that this stupid feeling I'm having means something is really wrong, or that I shouldn't be radiated any more than I have been in the past. I've had so many CAT scans, what with gallbladder issues and stones in the past. Really, minor things. But radiation no less.  We'll see. I'll do it in a month. Maybe this feeling is because our insurance cancels this month. I have no insurance for 90 days.  We'll see.

These things happen for a reason. I'm unsure of what that reason is, but maybe I'll find out, maybe not. That's the way inspiration works.  

In other news, these birth control pills are making me sick. SICK!  Too much information?  Oh well. Deal with it. 

This too happens for a reason, but it's totally a hormonal, scientific reason, so I don't wonder too much about the reasoning here.  

Oh and I really love my family. Taylor and Mandy were here, they brought their boys!  We had a party at Eliza and Curtis' house tonight, Curtis ran the bbq (seriously, he's the best bbq'er I've honestly ever met. He nails the chicken EVERY TIME. It's always moist!  How does he do that??? Also, he knows how I like my steak...bloody and as rare as it gets but just barely brown on the edges. He nails that  every time, too. He deserves a trophy or something. I should look into getting him one) while the kids played. Harper got tired and so did his cousins and fights ensued but really funny ones where 6 year old Isaac said awesome stuff that I wrote down in my cell phone notes because seriously, that kid is awesome. Yes, they were sort of mean to Harper but I layed on the stairs with my face in the carpet just laughing at the comments even while Harper cried. Why?  Because honestly...Isaac is a comedic genius. I adore that kid.

I sure love Eliza. She's always willing to have parties at her house. Appropriately, her house is the biggest so it works that way, but she cleans up the mess that I know we leave, and she's generous and sweet and she's the best. And we're only 16 months apart in age. This makes her even more awesome. Every year when I turn the next age, I know she'll be right behind me, turning into the year I just left. She just turned an age last week. I won't say which, but it starts with a 2 and ends with a 9. Right Eliza?  

Now, to get my bedroom clean since I just unpacked today from my trip that I got home from on Tuesday. Lazy much?

Oh and fall is here. I like living where there are seasons. Mmhmm...


Amber said...

Oh Alli! I'm with you on believing things happen for a reason. I hope this new job for Mike is AWESOME for all of you. I hope you find a birth control that doesn't make you sick too! And, so sad about the kidney stones:(
I really wish I was in Utah witnessing the Fall weather right now. I am seriously craving Utah!

Alli Easley said...

Oh Amber!!! Thank you! I hope he loves this job too! And yes, birth control that doesn't make me sick would be super nice. Um yeah. Also, come up and visit!!! Soon! I miss you!!!

McLeod Clan said...

I am with you completely on trying to believe everything happens for a reason. I think that simple thought is the only thing that gets us through the days sometimes. Money didn't buy love girlfriend. Just remember that. Money problems totally blow chunks though!!