The Blogger Etiquette Post (aka The One Wherein I Ramble Again)

Ok, I'm going to do something here. I've noticed a few things since Facebook started getting huge and it bothers me to no end. See, the blogging world has been around longer than Facebook and I was one of the first people to discover it. As a matter of fact, I was going through a terribly bitter separation and divorce and had to keep all of the horrible details to myself for many many reasons, and my only outlet was blogging. I was so embarrassed of having a failed marriage, I couldn't share anything with my family and friends. It was terrible. I felt so alone, and I put myself into a really dark place. I remember one day my dad gave me an "intervention" of sorts because the only thing they would believe about my massive trauma going down in my abusive home was that a) I was addicted to the internet (told to my parents by the crazy liar of an ex) and that b) I had a boyfriend who I was having babies with (hahaha! anyone know Mike? yeaaaah...that's exactly who he is, let alone who I AM)  who was destroying my Perfect Little American Family. Crazy. True, I knew Mike, but we were seriously just really amazing frineds. But to address the first one, the internet addiction. At night, when my kids would go to bed or while they were at school, I would blog. I was new to blogging and blogging was new to the world. I remember being a "Beta Tester" for blogger as a matter of fact. 


The format was crude (you can't believe how un-user-friendly it was) and it was really hard to manage, but it was exactly what I needed. My bishop suggested I keep a journal of my feelings and frustrations since I wasn't really "venting" to anyone, and this was the way to do it. I could keep it anonymous and open and really talk about my truthful feelings. It was my literal saving grace for about 2 years while my separation order ran out not once, but twice due to a certain someone who refused to mediate the divorce and also refused to do any kind of therapy. My blog was my therapy.


Before I knew it, I had followers. People tuned in to read my frank account of a 30 year old LDS woman going through a terrible divorce. I wrote about every gory detail (anonymous, remember?) and talked about my feelings, my fears, my frustrations, and to tell the truth, the comments made me feel less alone. When my (now) ex-husband would go to my parents house to spout unbelievable lies about me, I couldn't defend myself. So I cried about it, wrote a draft, then published it in the morning after I'd slept on it.  It worked miracles. Miracles people. I found myself in my writing. How could I not? I was faced with my harsh truth, the reality of who I really was...all in my blog. 


Back to the intervention. My dad called me and told me to suck it up and work it out with my husband. I understand exactly why he did it, he was only hearing one side of it and I was too hurt to defend myself over and over to him, so I just kept quiet. He'd had a talk with the ex, and had come to understand that I was a crazy person, my ex threw my past (like seriously 15 years in the past) in my face and guess what, it worked. It was easier to believe that I was suddenly crazy and just losing my mind for no reason to leave my family for some crazy black man. He told them that Mike was a sex predator talking to Tiffany, he even showed them some crazy email online from Mike (totally fake) and had Tiffany crying and saying that it was true. She came home that night and broke down and told me what happened, and my incredibly "in tune" mom suddenly saw the light that night. She said she looked over at the ex while she was supposed to be reading the "email" from "Mike" and saw him smirking. It was then that they realized that he was and had always been full of crap. Time, thankfully, has shown his true nature. He doesn't see the kids, he pays child support about 1/10th of the time  (I'm being generous here) and through the last 6 years, they, and everyone in my life, has seen who he is and always was.  And it wasn't because of my smack talk or my blog, it was because of his actions. (remember, actions speak louder than words?)


So back to the blog. The only way to vent my frustration without breaking every window in every neighborhood in Vegas was to blog. My dad, remember, the intervention, he told me that they thought I was addicted to the internet. Of course, they were going by what the ex said, but really...it was blogging that I was doing. Instead of being harassed by my ex at night, I'd lock my door to avoid the verbal and emotional abuse and hole kicking in walls and punching of walls and things and breaking in of doors that splintered into pieces, I'd lock the door and blog. Blog. My dad told me he thought I was addicted and what I said to him was "But I'm blogging". Blogging was so new and foreign to everyone still, he told me "I don't really know what that means, but we do know that it's a chat room. Chat rooms are dangerous and can be pornographic and people have affairs and do bad things in chat rooms." Bless his heart, but he didn't know. I WAS BLOGGING. I have about 20 followers still who can attest to this. I was blogging. They've been here the whole time. (I'm looking at you Deja, Dima, Sherri, Melanie, Leslie, Kristen, Brooks and Bethany to name a few)


So back to blogging. Now it's accepted. It's actually encouraged finally by the First Presidency of my church. Heck, the church has a blog or six!  


But here's where I hate what's happened to blogging. BLOGGING IS NO LONGER INTERACTIVE. It makes me want to quit. Seriously. I want to quit, or just go private to everyone but me. People don't react, they don't make comments, they don't share their stories in comments, they don't say anything. Now, I don't feed off of the comments, but I sure miss the friendship building that comes out of it. 8 years ago, I met some of my best friends through blogging. It was me sharing my life, and others sharing their thoughts about it. Facebook has made it so everyone can be lazy. They can click on my link and read, and then be like "cool. whatever." 




Life's so impersonal as it is...and the internet is so amazing, I've met people from all over the world. LITERALLY ALL OVER THE WORLD. Can I name the countries and states in which I have friends?  I could, but it would be boring for all of you.




Anyway, I came across a blog that I love a few weeks ago and she had a link to blogging etiquette. She's so spot on. There are many more rules to blogging, and I'd love to list them out but she did such a great job, I've copied and pasted the rules here for you. I give FULL credit for these for the amazingly talented Kristan from "Confessions of a Cookbook Queen" and while you're clicking that link back there, please go visit her blog. Seriously, if I could make cakes like that I'd give my right and left pinkies. For realsies.


Now on with the list:

1. Be yourself.

One thing I've learned since I began blogging is that people will love you no matter what, as long as you're honest. Are you a neat freak? Is your house a mess? Do you REALLY like bacon, or are you just a self professed "bacon addict" because it seems cool? In the blogging world, cool is being who you are and loving yourself, perfections AND imperfections included.

2. Be good to your readers. You were one once, too.

I was a blog reader WAY before I was a blog writer, and honestly, I still spend more time on OTHER blogs than I do my own. I cannot stress how important it is to never forget that fact. When my blog was barely a month old (and I had NO CLUE how to take a picture) I sent an email to Bakerella. And she replied!! I cannot even express what that did for my morale. It was like meeting a celebrity, in a way. These days, I get quite a few emails myself and I can only imagine how full her inbox must have been. It makes the fact that she took the time to reply mean that much more.

3. Leave a comment.

Let's face it. Bloggers thrive on comments. Our posts and pictures are the sunshine and water, but comments are the beautiful flowers that sprout up as the result of our hard work. If you have a blog, you know this better than anyone else. So when you visit a blog, do as you would have done unto you and leave a comment. I am very guilty of popping on various blogs and not commenting because I think that the blogger is so fabulous, they don't need to hear from me. But I should know better, and I am making a conscious effort to leave a comment after every visit.

4. Give proper credit.

If you see something on another blog and love it so much that you decide to spend hours of your time recreating, photographing,and writing about it, it deserves more than a footnote at the end of your post and you know it. We all feed off of each other's ideas and inspire one another and that's fine. But when you downright copy something from another blog, repay them for the fabulous idea by throwing a little praise and maybe a new reader or two their way. 

5. Do not namedrop.

Just like in the real world, we all have some people we are closer to or relate to more than others. But to use that friendship as a way of impressing people is just tacky. This isn't high school and you weren't invited to hang out with the head cheerleader. We're all adults here, and when you name drop simply for selfish reasons, it's completely obvious to everyone, name drop-ee included.

6. Do not correct a fellow blogger's spelling or grammar in a comment.

For real. If I was talking to you in front of a huge group of people and noticed your fly was down, I wouldn't loudly point it out in front of everyone. I'd find a way to pull you aside and tell you quietly. Same thing here. Send a friendly email, and let them know so they can fix it before anyone else catches it. It's the right thing to do.

7. Never say anything on your blog that you wouldn't say in person.

The only exception to this rule is "LOL" because I realize that no one, (besides my 12 year old stepdaughter and her friends) says that in real life. The Internet is not an invincibility shield. What we say is in print, and can be forwarded and printed out and saved for all eternity. So mean what you say and be willing to stand behind your words. 

8. If you feature someone on your blog, let them know.

I can't tell you how many times I've noticed a spike in my traffic, only to find out that I was featured on a blog and not notified. It's like throwing a party in someone's honor and not inviting them. Let them know so they can stop by and read your kind words and all the comments your readers left in response. It really means a lot and can totally make a blogger's day.

9.  Promote a blog you like.

Don't be a lurker. If you love a blog, visit it frequently, and know that they could benefit from you letting your readers know, do it. I have gained so many readers from bloggers like Cheryl (TidyMom) and Bridget (Bake at 350) taking the time to retweet my posts and letting their readers know that they like what I'm doing. We could all learn a lesson or two from ladies like them, and they are who I look up to and use as my own example.

10. Never, ever plagiarize.

Our words and pictures are our heart and soul. To steal them is to steal the small piece of our world that says, "this is who I am." Don't do that. It's really unforgivable.



K, so I know this was long and rambly, but really, the Facebook has made it so people can just look into your life and just know what you're doing and then there's no true interaction. A "like" or a comment on my Facebook link to my blog just makes me sad. I kind of take offense!  (Remember, I'm pregnant and emotional, and you can just mock me now...but do it in my comments)


My sweet cousin Rachel who's young and sweet and an amazing hair dresser made a post about this same thing the other day, and it inspired me to write this. I have been trying to figure out how to post this, and I've actually lost sleep over it but I realized that if I just explained how important blogging is to me, and how it literally and I do mean LITERALLY saved my life during those dark years of my divorce, it might just explain why blogging is such an important part of my life. I think I might even cancel my Facebook just because it's so two-thousand-and-late and I'm over it. Who knows. 

Anyway, you don't have to comment here, but I wanted to tell you how I felt about it. I will continue to comment on your blogs, because really...commenting is nice to do!


K, so don't take offense, and guess what we made for dinner. French Bread Pizzas. I know you care and that's why I told you.

That's  a picture of Harper being "Harper" and Lola being all "Wtf dude, step off. Mom wants to take pictures of me ...not YOU...mmm'kay?"


Remember, it takes time and effort to blog. The least you can do is say "Amen". ;) (Oh church, you make me laugh some times...)


♥,


A