Friday, March 25, 2011

Optimism

Yesterday it rained and sort of hailed, we had a million errands to run and it was just Lola and Harper and I. Lola's been in a "big girl" car seat that we have had in our garage for almost a year. It's my sister Eliza's and I keep meaning to take it back to her but I'm the worst return-er in the history of ever. Anyway, we figured that the baby coming would need a clean and shiny car seat and Lola was hanging out of the infant seat so we took everything apart and there you go. Lola's sitting in Liza's car seat aka the big girl car seat until payday when we'll be honest people and give it back and buy another one just for her. I can't even believe she's that big already. Where did the time go?

Watching those two, Harper (4) and Lola (1) in the rear view mirror is the best entertainment in the world. It's probably dangerous for me to tilt the mirror down, using each side mirror on the outside of the car as my tool to view behind me, watching them giggle at each other, make faces at one another and hold hands. Really, they hold hands. 

My heart breaks!  They love each other so much. When Harper goes to Kindergarten in the fall she's going to have the hardest time I think. Hopefully this new baby boy will be sitting up and playing with little toys so she will have something to focus her social butterfly personality on.

Today it's raining and snowing too. This morning I felt myself sort of slip into a familiar routine, cutting fruit on Lola's high chair tray and making cereal with bananas cut up into it for Harper.  It's one of those days, we probably won't even get shoes on today. I have to get dressed, my sweet neighbor Jackie (the one who made that bread and jam!) is coming over later this afternoon to see me. She knows that by the end of the week I need another girl to talk to who isn't my child and she's so good at putting in a call or an email or a visit to me.  (or some bread and jam, heaven love her)

The other night I didn't sleep at all. Well no, I take that back, I slept from midnight til about 1:15 when Lola woke up because her teeth hurt. As I tend to do when it's the middle of the night and dark I started to think. Thinking led to worrying about money/kids/relationships/etc. and before I knew it Mike's 7:00 alarm was going off and I hadn't slept a bit. The rest of the day was miserable and I was tired and cranky and that night I had a billion things to do so I couldn't go to bed til almost midnight again and the next day was no better. This pattern happens more than I'd like to admit. Things are beating me down, beating us down and every time we think one challenge is over we realize it's just changed.  You might think that because I'm a "talker" and that because I "blog" etc, I spill my guts but that's not me. I'm really good at making up a super quick excuse when people ask me what's wrong because getting into the meat of what's really happening with us wouldn't solve anything. Right now, Mike and I and also our bishop are truly the only people on the earth who know what's going on here. I keep busy during the days but at night, man...

Night times are painful and exhausting and you all know how it can make the coming day seem like a punishment, so this morning I got up, said my morning prayers, got our lives started and while I was waiting for something to come to my mind that would help me feel like I could personally handle the 3 different unrelated things that are going on right now, I got two pieces of inspiration. One was to make brownies. Lots of them. Which I will do when these babes take a nap in a sec (after Elmo's World is over in 3 minutes) and the second little piece of inspiration was a quote I heard once before by Lucille Ball that I remember loving. Within a few minutes of searching I found it. (Thank you to The Foundation For A Better Life's website, which is another topic I'll cover at a later time) .

One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself. - Lucille Ball 


I love this picture of them. I was going to put up a
picture of just Lucy, but when I saw this one, I chose it because
being a strong woman doesn't mean you have to do it alone.




Rad quote, huh.









3 comments:

"The Aimonites" said...

Masking smores is fun and always brings a smile to any situation :)

Amber said...

I can't believe you're so close to delivering your baby boy! So exciting! I am so sorry about your sleepless nights. On top of all that's on your mind, you didn't even mention trying to sleep with a pregnant belly, so I know you must be really having a hard time. I wish I was there to take you to lunch. You know I would if I could :) love ya!

Leslie said...

The thing that gets to me the most in this post is that Harper will be starting Kindergarten in the fall! Oh wow! Time sure has flown! I remember when you found out you were pregnant with him!