Friday, March 4, 2011

It's About Keeping a Good Feeling in Your Heart

There's this thing I've learned over the last few years. See, I'm quick to be defensive. I've always been like that, it's one of the things I dislike about myself.  I've got many faults and one of the ones that bothers me the most is that I take things personally, and I get defensive. See, I'm not a contentious person. I don't like to fight, I don't like to argue, and sometimes a healthy discussion becomes even too heated for my liking.

So a few years ago I had an amazing bishop, Bishop Brown from our church in California. We'd just left Vegas to escape the constant arguing that occurred when my ex would see the kids for his visitation. When I moved, I was damaged. Defensive. Angry. A person who held things in and then blew up later on people who didn't deserve it, my sweet husband and kids. It was killing me, it was hurting them. I couldn't lose weight, I couldn't sleep, I had no energy, I stayed up nightly just stewing about things that were truly so trivial. I had to ask for help.

So I learned over time and many visits how to just turn it off. How to say "ok, I don't want to do this" and then literally walk out of the situation. Stewing on something was like a cancer. for real. I was sick. Physically ill and doctors were puzzled at what was the cause of my many, many symptoms. It was something that just kept me in a hole that was dark and angry and really, who wants to be there?

I began to meditate. Yes, meditate. It sounds wonky or new agey, but really, it's not. It's peaceful. Prayer is meditation. Taking long walks and thinking about positive things is meditation. I LOVE meditating, love it so much.

Lately, there have been a lot of situations that have caused me to become defensive or angry again.  I've had to remove myself from these situations. I always start out with my take on all of these situations, I think of calling people when they're hurting my kids, or when someone's made comments on my situation or statuses on Facebook etc. and then I realize after my blood boils for a minute that waiiiiit a minute here...I'm putting MYSELF in this situation. I can walk out. And that's what I try to do.

I find myself on Facebook often, watching what my friends do, reading their updates and that's fantastic and I love it all, but really, I spend an awful lot of time feeling like I'm having to defend what I say. Why would I want to do that? Sure, it took MONTHS of prodding to get my husband to talk to someone about our fitness, and then I excitedly commented about it, and within minutes, it was being criticized and called into question. This was so damaging, it had to be removed before he saw it. As a matter of fact, if he reads this particular blog, it might just still be damaging, but not as defeating as it would have been for him to read other people's contradicting arguments and "expert" advice that differed GREATLY from what we had just learned...from a REAL expert who understood our unique and individual levels of diet and personal exercise goals. I had to remove it. I had to. This is Facebook though, everyone can weigh in with their ideas and that's awesome! and I love it! Really, I love the interaction. I'm a social butterfly, for hells sake. But if anyone knows the struggle I've had over the last 4-5 years to get my health, AND MIKE to do something about our/HIS overall health (not his weight!  Seriously!) you might just understand a bit more why it had to be removed.

Now sure, a healthy discussion is one thing. I'm ALL for that. As a matter of fact, I love it. I love talking about things that enhance my personal knowledge, but when it takes that turn where it becomes contentious or damaging, I have to walk out. I choose to.

Having teenagers is the same way. I feel like when they start to argue with me, I have to mentally back out and just be peace. And that's what I do. I find peace somewhere other than where I am. It's healthy for me, and that's how it works. It makes me feel better.

Mike and I are on the healthy train once this baby comes. I realize it is easier for us to do it together, and he does it better when I'm doing it with him and encouraging him to do it. We'll be back on our walks and runs, and I'll be cooking again for our weight loss diet. We consult with people who know what they're talking about and we've carefully gone over our personal weight, our personal goals, and our personal plan for intensities and times for our workouts. I can't wait to get started.

I trust this person. He's got a 4 year degree in what he does.  I know what is possible for us, and I don't plan on arguing about it with anyone. It's what we're doing, and it's what our bodies can do and what they can burn.  We're not going on the ranch for Biggest Loser working out 8 hours per day and I'm certainly not 350+ lbs. I will not burn 1000 calories in 1.5-2 hours of walking and running, I can guarantee you that. I'm lucky to get to 300 calories, maybe 350 calories if I run. In an hour+. With 5 lb. weights in my hands.

I love meditating, I love walking and I actually enjoy a run thrown in there, especially if I have good music. I love being to the point in my life where I can walk away from things I PERSONALLY FIND UNCOMFORTABLE and really, that's what works for me. There's a fine line between a "discussion" and a "fight". I avoid the latter. It's all part of me being healthy. I seriously don't take offense...truly!...I just walk off!  I don't like the feeling I get when I feel defensive. It's not a "good" feeling, and really, who WANTS to feel like that? "Not I" said the fly.

For now I don't really have the time to check Facebook all the time and we're not in a position where I can spend money on a phone that updates me all the time on people's doings and goings on there. My kids who've earned phones need them more than I do, and I have almost 7  kids. I can't and won't be in front of a computer all day. Me leaving Facebook for the most part is because I have other priorities, and those start with me. I am a happier mom, wife, friend, sister, daughter and neighbor when I'm doing what's important, and the internet for an hour or more per day isn't that. that's a different animal. For example, all of my kids are in bed and Mike's finishing some work on his laptop, so I'm writing this and then (magic! pshh...old news) I can schedule for this to be published at a later date!  That's how I find the time to blog. I write the night before when I have the time, then the next day when I've slept on what I have to say (and maybe even hurry on before it's published and edit stuff super quick!) I let it get published. Now, this will still update to Facebook via NetworkedBlogs, but that's also automatic!  Gotta love the internet. Thank heavens Al Gore invented it. What a GENIUS. ;)

Now, back to the health topic really quick,  if I could look like this by Christmas, then I'll tell you what, that might be the best present I could have...EVER. (Oh and Mike too. He might enjoy that a little bit too...hehe)

(PS guys, COMMENT ON THIS!  I'm interested in what you think. And if you don't feel like you have anything to say to me, don't!  I can talk to silent faces, no worries. But this is my main interaction with you guys anymore, and I am not angry with anyone, and you can comment even if you don't have a blog!  Just click on "say what" down below and where you can put your name and URL, enter your name...and you don't even have to have a stinkin URL! Just let me know how you feel about stuff. I really do appreciate all of my friends and family and associates and strangers alike weighing in (get it...weigh? pun totally unintended here) and I'm inviting you to let me know how you feel about anything, about any topic I plan on writing about here. Share stories about your personal weight loss, about your personal thoughts about what I've said here, about your personal love for Heidi Klum. Hell, I don't care. I'm just not doing this on FB anymore. Feel welcomed here. It's like coming over for a little talk in my family room, except instead of sucking down a 42 oz. coke slurpee with you I'm going to go ahead and be munching on carrots and stuff getting ready for my ride on the healthy train again soon)

(oh and I do reserve the right to delete a hateful comment. It is MY blog, you know)


@emllewellyn said...

But Diet Coke has no calories, so I will still drink it (but only if I drink equal parts water throughout the day. I'm the worst at that because water is the grosst to my taste).

I'm proud of you guys. And of your dedication to blogging. And we can restart the Shabby Apple challenge if you want because I totally sucked that one up without any excuse like impending childbirth. I'm just the most lazy.

Also, I'm dying my hair blonde, sort of. Like Emily Vancamp blonde. I'll blog about it.

And Heidi Klum is pretty hot and all, but I DO NOT see the physical appeal with Seal. Just don't. Good on her, though...

Marit said...

You go girl! I think it's great that you two are in it together. Can't wait to hear about your progress. Go get em' tiger!

KW said...

SCIENTIFICALLY, (and i got this from marathon this isn't even trying to trick people into trying a weight loss program...this is simply to calculate how much you need to eat to keep your energy up in a healthy way) the human body burns 1.5 calories for every kilogram per hour. When your heart rate is over 140, it will burn UP TO 8.5 additional calories per kilogram per hour. Walking gets your heart rate up to about 100-110, and running gets it up to about 120-140. If i were to run for thirty minutes, i would burn about 180-220 extra calories. If i were to get my heart rate up to like 170? I would burn about 500. But um....who can keep their heart rate at 170 when they're running through a neighborhood? Your fitness trainer is totally correct. And fitness equipment is full of BS. It's science, people. Science.

Sophie said...

Proud of you Alli! We've got to protect our families and sweet, well intentioned husbands from people who would bring them down. I have learned in my own search for health, that going back to basics is the best approach you could possibly have. Whole, fresh food (and lots of it! Who doesn't love that?), and becoming aware of your own body again. The weight will come off, even if it's slow, but you will FEEL incredible and want to keep going. Trust good advice, but trust your heart to tell you what is right for your family.

(I'm also with you on the defensive part, and I will just remember to remove myself.)

Thank you for being such a great person, example and friend!


Anonymous said...

Lady - you know what I love about your blog IT IS NOT HISTORICAL FICTION!!! It is actual, factual, honest and pretty damn funny. Sending positive vibes your way and you take this baby out of the oven and jump onto the healthy train. . . just don't confuse it with the gravy train . . . :-)

AnDe said...

I think its great that you and Mike work together to be more healthy. I wish I could get my husband on that train... I don't know how to do it though. Thanks for the extra motivation!

Tim O said...

Hello my friend, I hope it wasn't my weigh in that got ya razzled up :) If it was, it wasn't my intention at all! I just wanted to share with you what I learned from the medical weight loss clinic that helped me lose 85#'s. you guys rock and will find the program that works best for you. Sorry to see ya go on FB, but I get it! Keep on keepin on!

Tori said...

I'm just wondering if you will share your plan. I'm tired of looking and feeling like I am, so if you have good info, will you share? You can e-mail it to me if you would rather.

Can you just move to AZ already?

Leslie said...

I didn't see what happened on FB, but I just have to say that you and I are so much alike. I can't stand confrontation. I've had to hide people's posts on FB because of other people arguing with them. It didn't even involve me but it stressed me out. Wow, it just stressed me out writing that! ha!

Anyway, I will be praying for you on your journey to health. And for myself because it is something I really need!

P.S. I love to read you, no matter what your post is about. You could write about string cheese and make it interesting somehow! ;)

Alli Easley said...

Hey guys, just wanted to fill you in. Nothing happened on FB that made me leave. I left a couple months ago and it felt good, and then just the last couple days have had the feeling that I needed to do it again, and probably for good. Nobody offended me, nobody made me leave, I just decided it was too much for me to have an internet presence on Facebook where it's starting to look like a big jumbled high school lunch hour with people tooting their own horns, bragging about their sexcapades, posting pictures of their hoochie skirts and I was done.

I will however, be over here posting about my OWN hoochie skirts since we all know I'm a huge fan of them as long as they're on me. You know how I roll.

Tara said...

Alli, i think you are pretty amazing for doing this. seriously, i NEED to cut facebook out of my life. i just don't have the guts.

and i am still in my pajamas. and i want to create as well. and sit and watch t.v. and our kids can most definitely play.

very serious in this. let's plan.


Kati said...

As I've said before I love reading your blog! Your thoughts are so honest and real and you point out things I may not have thought of otherwise. Weight loss can be hard and it's different for every person. I could never work out 8 hours a day...there's no time for that but walks are still really beneficial and I love walking :) I'm looking forward to hearing about your goal some more in future posts. And meditation is AMAZING! I seriously love it and it makes me feel so much better. And Bishop Brown is awesome :)

Tricia said...

I would LOVE to have a coke Slurpee with you .....and I'll bring you a diet coke one! ;0)

Chris and Kim said...

Dear Alli,

I am not a dingus. I think your awesome. Good luck with your goals.

I wish there was something healthy that replaced slurpees. They are the best.

Hilary said...

Good for you Ally! Wishing you all success is this lifestyle change.
By the way, even though I don't think you need to be on biggest loser, I would love to watch you on there. I think with your personality you would be the star, for sure! It's one of my favorite shows. I watch it while working out. So, motivating!
Love you and good luck!

Alli Easley said...

Oh no, even I can admit I don't need to be on the biggest loser. I wouldn't make it through auditions at my pre-pregnancy weight. They wouldn't take someone who needs to lose 30 lbs. But it is one of our most favorite shows! We love it too.

"The Aimonites" said...

Just wondering ...Can I borrow that skirt.. I have a hot date :)

The White Clan said...

Okay so here is my "professional" opinion......I am miserable with myself at this moment and have been since, well, forever! And since my life is oh so lovely, and has been for the last seven months, I had to make a decision for me. Now keep in mind my husband thinks I am hott, but wouldn't mind if I looked like Heidi either, and neither would I. ;) I decided that since my life is crazy and I can't control any of that garbage I should take control of the things I can and that is me, only I can make me skinny. I have set a goal to loose my 25 pounds by June 1st. I will work out at least three days a week, it has been more like 5, and I will eat better and a whole lot less. I will not deprive myself of my treats, because what i have learned over the last year is that you have to live life. And I will not give up my things I love, just to be skinny. Moderation in all things right? I am down 6 pounds in four weeks and I am feeling much better about myself already. I can't wait to be the trophy wife my hubby deserves, okay that might be stretching it, i have had four kids, 3 via c-section. But the main goal is to look in the mirror and feel good about myself.
So there, just remember you asked!
Luv ya! said...

Get there, Allipants!! It's great to hear that you and Mike are doing your routines together... having a partner to keep each other motivated is huge. Good luck! :-)

Mike and Jackie said...

It's all about the Healthy lifestyle. That's what I discovered. Hey when do you want to go look at fabric this week?????

Amber said...

Now I want a coke slurpee. BUT, I would much rather be sitting in your living room with you chatting with you, that's for sure!!! love ya!