IDK MY BFF ELIZA

As a young child, I had a sister who was only a year behind me in age. We, for the most part, played very well together. There were times we had our differences as most siblings do. I'll admit to doing a few mean things like the time Eric Driscoll and I were playing Star Wars in the backyard on the swingset, and Eliza wanted to play and of course, I was Princess Leia and Eric was Luke Skywalker. She got upset and wanted to still play, but I told her that she'd have to be Chewy. Yes, you heard me, Chewbacca. Back then, I thought this was hilarious, and to be honest, I still do. Poor Chewy...er...I mean Eliza. For that I will feel eternally entertained sorry. I really really will(not).



But the pranks were not one sided. Let me recount a story, a tale that takes us way back...back to a time when things were simpler and life wasn't so complicated...set your time machines for 1981. We were living in a little house in Las Vegas with our parents and our baby brother Taylor. Ashley wasn't even a thought back then.

Picture this, Christmas morning, we wake up to gifts galore. One of the major gifts was a huge 10 foot cardboard box that contained what we thought was a "chimney". Yes folks, a chimney. We were jumping around just thrilled over what we thought was the best present Santa could have brought two little girls...a chimney. It was actually a swingset...yeah. That's another story for another time, moving on...

...another of the gifts I received was this book called My Book About Me!!! by Dr. Seuss. Behold! Do you see it's glory? If you're not familiar with this book, let me take you inside of it. Each page held a spot for you to insert details about your own life.





It was an interactive journal, and even as a young child, I was very interested in writing and such. So when I saw that each page required my personal attention, I was stoked. Each page would say something like..."It is _____ steps from my front door to my mailbox!!!" or it would make a statement as exciting as "My most favorite animal is a ________!!!" Now trust me, when I'd see those blank spots followed by not only one exclamation point, but several! Even up to 3 sometimes??? Oh it was like the "Chimney" meant NOTHING to me in comparison. What chimney? Chimney who???

So I got right to work after present opening time was up. I got my little pencil and started to carefully fill out the pages. The first page wanted you to put a picture of yourself in it. I glued a school picture in. I went through every page after that with enough joy to fill a hot air balloon and a few hours later, and I mean hours...I reached the end. Not after carefully counting and double counting the aforementioned "steps from my front door to my mailbox" just so I could apparently write "Foot" in the blank instead of the actual number. I also made sure to carefully gaze into the bathroom mirror just to make sure I got the correct eye or hair color. I counted all my toys as requested, I named my favorite music and imaginary animals, I listed all the places I'd been...you name it! If there was something to be known about Allison, well it was written right there in My Book About Me!!! Meanwhile...Eliza apparently did NOT get My Book About Me!!! and because of that fact, a storm began to brew.

Let's skip forward to a time in the future, the date I can truly not recall because I fear I've blocked it out of my memory. I believe I came home from school to find My Book About Me!!! not where I left it. Now let me backup to fill you in on one little detail. See, I'd come home from school and read My Book About Me!!! over and over again, carefully noting with wonder all of the interesting facts about myself. So you can imagine my disdain when I noticed it was gone. I searched under the bed, in the closet, I looked in every nook and cranny in my room. Suddenly, fear came over me. I think Eliza was in Kindergarten, making it so that she'd have been home without me during the day.

Intuitively, and guided by what I believe to be the spirit no less, I crept into her room. There was My Book About Me!!! sitting on her floor. My heart began to race as I opened the very first page.

Right there. Scribbled across the top of the page it said:

My Book About Me!!! My Name Is Allison E-L-I-Z-A!!!

Terror took over my body as I slowly turned through each page as she'd written things like:

My Favorite Color Is Blue!!! POOP

It is foot POOP steps from the front door to the mailbox!!!
It is foot POOP o'clock when I get up every morning!!!

My favorite breakfast is French toast!!! POOP!!!


That's right. I believe now, looking back, that she only knew how to write a few words, and to be honest...POOP!!! is pretty darn funny. Then though, this was the end of my world. My life was destroyed and many other dramatic emotions came over me like a tsunami.

Now, as we're adults, I'd pay $10,000 to have that book. To have it WITH the markings of my sister. She got me back for that Chewbacca stunt, oh yes she did. She got me back with POOP!!!

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UPDATE:

Eliza now says she only "scribbled" in said My Book About Me!!! and that it was infact the notorious Taylor who a few years later wrote POOP!!! in all of the spots. If indeed Taylor was the offender, you can see from my obvious trauma that I truly didn't notice that it had been a few years when the crime occurred...

I really want to find that book.

Eliza would like for me to expound on the "Foot" steps. In each one that said "It is ______ steps from my door to the first tree" and "It is ______ steps from the first tree to the mailbox" etc, I put "Foot" instead of a number. Don't ask me why, it made perfect sense at the time.