Friday, September 14, 2007

IDK MY BFF ELIZA

As a young child, I had a sister who was only a year behind me in age. We, for the most part, played very well together. There were times we had our differences as most siblings do. I'll admit to doing a few mean things like the time Eric Driscoll and I were playing Star Wars in the backyard on the swingset, and Eliza wanted to play and of course, I was Princess Leia and Eric was Luke Skywalker. She got upset and wanted to still play, but I told her that she'd have to be Chewy. Yes, you heard me, Chewbacca. Back then, I thought this was hilarious, and to be honest, I still do. Poor Chewy...er...I mean Eliza. For that I will feel eternally entertained sorry. I really really will(not).



But the pranks were not one sided. Let me recount a story, a tale that takes us way back...back to a time when things were simpler and life wasn't so complicated...set your time machines for 1981. We were living in a little house in Las Vegas with our parents and our baby brother Taylor. Ashley wasn't even a thought back then.

Picture this, Christmas morning, we wake up to gifts galore. One of the major gifts was a huge 10 foot cardboard box that contained what we thought was a "chimney". Yes folks, a chimney. We were jumping around just thrilled over what we thought was the best present Santa could have brought two little girls...a chimney. It was actually a swingset...yeah. That's another story for another time, moving on...

...another of the gifts I received was this book called My Book About Me!!! by Dr. Seuss. Behold! Do you see it's glory? If you're not familiar with this book, let me take you inside of it. Each page held a spot for you to insert details about your own life.





It was an interactive journal, and even as a young child, I was very interested in writing and such. So when I saw that each page required my personal attention, I was stoked. Each page would say something like..."It is _____ steps from my front door to my mailbox!!!" or it would make a statement as exciting as "My most favorite animal is a ________!!!" Now trust me, when I'd see those blank spots followed by not only one exclamation point, but several! Even up to 3 sometimes??? Oh it was like the "Chimney" meant NOTHING to me in comparison. What chimney? Chimney who???

So I got right to work after present opening time was up. I got my little pencil and started to carefully fill out the pages. The first page wanted you to put a picture of yourself in it. I glued a school picture in. I went through every page after that with enough joy to fill a hot air balloon and a few hours later, and I mean hours...I reached the end. Not after carefully counting and double counting the aforementioned "steps from my front door to my mailbox" just so I could apparently write "Foot" in the blank instead of the actual number. I also made sure to carefully gaze into the bathroom mirror just to make sure I got the correct eye or hair color. I counted all my toys as requested, I named my favorite music and imaginary animals, I listed all the places I'd been...you name it! If there was something to be known about Allison, well it was written right there in My Book About Me!!! Meanwhile...Eliza apparently did NOT get My Book About Me!!! and because of that fact, a storm began to brew.

Let's skip forward to a time in the future, the date I can truly not recall because I fear I've blocked it out of my memory. I believe I came home from school to find My Book About Me!!! not where I left it. Now let me backup to fill you in on one little detail. See, I'd come home from school and read My Book About Me!!! over and over again, carefully noting with wonder all of the interesting facts about myself. So you can imagine my disdain when I noticed it was gone. I searched under the bed, in the closet, I looked in every nook and cranny in my room. Suddenly, fear came over me. I think Eliza was in Kindergarten, making it so that she'd have been home without me during the day.

Intuitively, and guided by what I believe to be the spirit no less, I crept into her room. There was My Book About Me!!! sitting on her floor. My heart began to race as I opened the very first page.

Right there. Scribbled across the top of the page it said:

My Book About Me!!! My Name Is Allison E-L-I-Z-A!!!

Terror took over my body as I slowly turned through each page as she'd written things like:

My Favorite Color Is Blue!!! POOP

It is foot POOP steps from the front door to the mailbox!!!
It is foot POOP o'clock when I get up every morning!!!

My favorite breakfast is French toast!!! POOP!!!


That's right. I believe now, looking back, that she only knew how to write a few words, and to be honest...POOP!!! is pretty darn funny. Then though, this was the end of my world. My life was destroyed and many other dramatic emotions came over me like a tsunami.

Now, as we're adults, I'd pay $10,000 to have that book. To have it WITH the markings of my sister. She got me back for that Chewbacca stunt, oh yes she did. She got me back with POOP!!!

____________________________________________________________

UPDATE:

Eliza now says she only "scribbled" in said My Book About Me!!! and that it was infact the notorious Taylor who a few years later wrote POOP!!! in all of the spots. If indeed Taylor was the offender, you can see from my obvious trauma that I truly didn't notice that it had been a few years when the crime occurred...

I really want to find that book.

Eliza would like for me to expound on the "Foot" steps. In each one that said "It is ______ steps from my door to the first tree" and "It is ______ steps from the first tree to the mailbox" etc, I put "Foot" instead of a number. Don't ask me why, it made perfect sense at the time.

31 comments:

Eliza said...

I think you need to esplain more about your "foot" step to the....

I swear it wasn't me who wrote poop. Think of who in our family uses that word on a daily if not minutely basis? That graffiti was done years later. I will admit that it was me who crossed your name out to put mine in it's place. I WANTED THAT BOOK TOO!

Alli Fantastico said...

I edited the end of the post to esplain!

Also, the graffiti was probably Taylor but between the two of you, that book took quite a beating. I wish we could find it! I love every tiny mark in there.

EmDab said...

Oh my gosh. This happened to me too, kind of. Little 6-year old sister stole my journal when I was 9, read all the parts where I complained about her, and then wrote an entry. About me. In my own journal. It went something like,

"Im so made. Emily is so min. She ses min thins abut me in her jurnul. I dont want to be nis to her agan."

Oh, little sisters.

Alli Fantastico said...

Ah yes, too bad Eliza and I are so close in age. Her vocabulary was about as good as mine!

Your sister's entry is cute by the way. Maybe someday I'll post some of my sweet old journal entries. Oh yes, good times.

-KJ said...

I could have told you that once the word poop was written that Tay was the offender! That boy has poop chapstick!
Was your favorite animal a Zizzer zazzer zuzz? Big Z little z what begings with Z... I know that whole book by heart!

Alli Fantastico said...

Sadly I bought the boy his Poop chapstick. It's Chicken Poop Chapstick. My fault!

Oh and I love Horton. He's the cutest ever. I hated thing one and thing two though...oh my holy night. So scary.

Eliza said...

Member when ash would sell those poison stickers we got from school to all my friends for a quarter each? Man she made money.

Member our 9to5 dance we made up with Josh?

Remember our FHE we did with blended up popsicles and dried out tuna sandwiches?

Remember our reenactment of the bike flying sequence from ET?

Alli Fantastico said...

Oh yes. Ash was quite the entrepreneur.

I do remember our 9to5 dance, remember that Josh was the best shimmy-er?

I also remember the FHE with the blended up popcicles that we drank before we served them AND I remember our skits. I still blush when I talk about the "Agua! Agua!" one with Guy. HAHAHA!

About the ET formation, that was freakin sweet yo. Seriously, if I had a bike right now, and a bunch of friends to do it with, I'd still play E.T. True story, that!

Eliza said...

Oh forget to mention...I DID have Chewybacca hair and sad thing...I didn't really mind being him so HAH!

ashleyO said...

LMBO!!!

I AM STILLLLL LAUGHING SO HARD!!!!

Oh my gosh! I totally remember that book with the 87 times it had been vandalized! Oh good times. I wish I had a book like that! And even I have the 100% Pure Free Range Chicken Poop Lip Junk.

P.S. I was the lil entrepreneur! Why am I a dance major? I should be in business... Oh man!

ashleyO said...

HEY WHAT IS YOUR NUMBER ALLI!!!? I thought i had it...give it to me ahora!

Alli Fantastico said...

ASHLEY! What email do you use? Or call Eliza, she has my new home #!!!

Also, Liza, you did have the Chewybacca hair, how lucky for you! I wish I had body in mine.

Ash, I gave you the chickenpoopy chapsticky too right?

We are one special family!

Alli Fantastico said...

Nevermind! You just called me!

Dani said...

I'm so glad to now know the entire truth of the whole Chewbacca nickname. Such a rich history there!

Alli Fantastico said...

The legend lives on...

The Parrish Family said...

Poop chapstick!!!! That is the funniest story!

Mandy said...

that was totally wicked!!! (incredibles) taylor has confirmed he was the culprit who wrote poop on every line along with eric nelsons help. what a nice bro and cousin

Alli Fantastico said...

Eric and Taylor were trouble like you have no idea. Perhaps I'll blog next about the time they drew guys getting killed with swords all over my bathroom wall.

Lyd said...

Oh my gosh!! This is the coolest thing ever! And you totally have to write stories about Eric and Tay. That would be awesome.

I too should enter in some of my journal entries that I did for school when I get back home. Those were the best ever.

You totally need to write a book Alli. It would, with no doubt in my mind, be a best seller! I swear that you are the best writer ever. "Do it. Do it." (To be said like Ben Stiller in Starsky & Hutch)

Dani said...

I agree with the consensus about the book writing. "You can dooooo iiiit" (Yeah, can't remember the movie, maybe Cheech and Chong?)

Lyd said...

My first thought was The Waterboy! Anyone else?

And I saw that you already addressed this in an earlier post. But still, you need to get those things out there!

Eliza said...

Three Amigos?

Tori said...

Oh, you guys make me laugh! I love these Oblad stories.

-KJ said...

Memeber when you burned my head with the curling iron and only my tan peeled off?

Member when I slept in the closet?

Member when you dressed me up and told me to run around the house and act like Animal from the muppets.

Memeber our scary haunted houses? "Boo, did I scare you?"

Member when we would put mashed potatoes in a baggie, cut the corner off and pipe it into our mouths? Wait, I still do that.

Eliza said...

I almost put the iron burn story on there but I left that for you.

Lyd said...

A continuation: (Ashely may be the only one that gets these ones.)

Member Ash, how we would always wake up early to do Mousersizes?!

Member how we would always have to run as fast as possible down that freakin widowed hallway?

Member how your dad told me to bring all the money I had, so I brought my big jar of change and crap?

Member how I counted all the times I burped and farted when I went over to your house?

Member my tuna mustard sandwich throw up in my mouth that I so kindly showed you?

Member "Hey John!"?

Member "Do you know where my mom is?"

Member dressing up digger?

Member that awesome Belle with the chewed up hand...from me? hehe

good times, good times

ashleyO said...

omgoodness! Lydia! I laughed the hardest at the Mousercise, dressing up Digger, and the chewed up Belle hand...oh how i do remember that!

I'm still laughing my bum off...which I don't mind! lol

Dani said...

Waterboy it is! Thx! :)

Lyd said...

Yeah, I thought that those where the best ones! I had more, but I didn't want it to be too big a list. I was laughing pretty good maself when I was writing them also. hehe :)

ashleyO said...

I liked when Lydia would say "Go fart in a can!!!" That was her comeback for any rude-ish comment spoken to her.

Alli Fantastico said...

oooo lyd! Sassmouth!