Ugh, Monday.

For about 10 years, I'd wake up almost every morning with a headache. My mind would turn immediately to some bill I'd have to pay, some issue I'd have to solve with family, or most often, some chore list I'd find on the kitchen counter. Just staying up at night would be like a little vacation. I could read or listen to "my" music, or talk on the phone to girlfriends or sisters, I could craft...all in peace. Nighttime was my time, and I would sometimes stay up til three or four in the morning. My afternoons would be spent in a panic about if the kitchen was clean enough, or if the dinner I had cooking was going to get me a "pass" to go hang out with Tori, and often, I'd find myself smiling at my tiny kids...wondering if I wanted to live one more day. Those sweet babies are the only thing that kept me going sometimes.

Well, this morning, I woke up and looked around my messy living room, shoes everywhere from kids in a hurry to get out the door to school and smiled because...I don't have to panic anymore. I don't have to worry about what kind of trouble I'd get in. As a matter of fact, if I happen to not get those shoes put away today, my husband would most likely come in and gently nudge the kids to do it when he gets home from work tonight.

Right now is an unexpectedly difficult time for me. I explained it a little on the phone with my sister Mandy, and she not only listens to me, but she calls and asks me for updates. This is probably the nicest thing she could do for me, and she is a miracle, an answer to prayers sometimes. She must be in tune with the spirit to know exactly when I need her to call me, because every time she calls, it's the perfect time. She's amazing.

I also have my brother who makes me laugh, and who loves me even though I'm an idiot sometimes, and then Eliza and Ash, who never judge me. They're so generous and loving, and honestly, I feel blessed every day to have them both. Eliza had us up to her house a week ago, and she graciously dealt with all SEVEN of the Easleys, and I know what a feat that is, I do it every day and just look at my gray hair.

The reason for this post, blabbery as it may be, is because right now, we're being tested and tried. We're at a point in our lives where everything is up in the air. We have decisions to make, and although the law says one thing, I'm scared to proceed because the consequences for the person this will affect are severe. I'm really struggling with this issue, and a few more, and when I woke up this morning, I came downstairs to download a specific conference talk and happened to check on the TC Rogers blog. Last night, he passed away. His family is old family friends of our family, as they are many many of yours as well. His story is sad, but happy at the same time. I was reading the latest update from his dad, Cliff, and happened upon this "TC Stories" blog...and read and read and read til my side hurt from laughing, and my eyes were sore from crying.

The human experience is exactly that. A human experience. I'm greatful to have every minute. I am so thankful to have happiness, and pain, and sorrow, and stress, and all those feelings that come with being human, aren't you?