Monday, April 14, 2008

Ugh, Monday.

For about 10 years, I'd wake up almost every morning with a headache. My mind would turn immediately to some bill I'd have to pay, some issue I'd have to solve with family, or most often, some chore list I'd find on the kitchen counter. Just staying up at night would be like a little vacation. I could read or listen to "my" music, or talk on the phone to girlfriends or sisters, I could craft...all in peace. Nighttime was my time, and I would sometimes stay up til three or four in the morning. My afternoons would be spent in a panic about if the kitchen was clean enough, or if the dinner I had cooking was going to get me a "pass" to go hang out with Tori, and often, I'd find myself smiling at my tiny kids...wondering if I wanted to live one more day. Those sweet babies are the only thing that kept me going sometimes.

Well, this morning, I woke up and looked around my messy living room, shoes everywhere from kids in a hurry to get out the door to school and smiled because...I don't have to panic anymore. I don't have to worry about what kind of trouble I'd get in. As a matter of fact, if I happen to not get those shoes put away today, my husband would most likely come in and gently nudge the kids to do it when he gets home from work tonight.

Right now is an unexpectedly difficult time for me. I explained it a little on the phone with my sister Mandy, and she not only listens to me, but she calls and asks me for updates. This is probably the nicest thing she could do for me, and she is a miracle, an answer to prayers sometimes. She must be in tune with the spirit to know exactly when I need her to call me, because every time she calls, it's the perfect time. She's amazing.

I also have my brother who makes me laugh, and who loves me even though I'm an idiot sometimes, and then Eliza and Ash, who never judge me. They're so generous and loving, and honestly, I feel blessed every day to have them both. Eliza had us up to her house a week ago, and she graciously dealt with all SEVEN of the Easleys, and I know what a feat that is, I do it every day and just look at my gray hair.

The reason for this post, blabbery as it may be, is because right now, we're being tested and tried. We're at a point in our lives where everything is up in the air. We have decisions to make, and although the law says one thing, I'm scared to proceed because the consequences for the person this will affect are severe. I'm really struggling with this issue, and a few more, and when I woke up this morning, I came downstairs to download a specific conference talk and happened to check on the TC Rogers blog. Last night, he passed away. His family is old family friends of our family, as they are many many of yours as well. His story is sad, but happy at the same time. I was reading the latest update from his dad, Cliff, and happened upon this "TC Stories" blog...and read and read and read til my side hurt from laughing, and my eyes were sore from crying.

The human experience is exactly that. A human experience. I'm greatful to have every minute. I am so thankful to have happiness, and pain, and sorrow, and stress, and all those feelings that come with being human, aren't you?


-KJ said...

It is always amazing when I see someone able to step back for a second and realize that even the extremely difficult times they are in are exactly what make them who they are. I have a hard time doing this. When kids are freaking out and finances are what I would love, I get caught up in all of it. I need to remember to step back. Look at what I have been blessed with and laugh at life when my children are screaming at the top of their lungs instead of sending them out of the room so I can "finish my show." You are such a great example to me!
We love you guys so much!!! It wasn't long enough last time you were here. We are anxiously awaiting things to no longer be in the air for you.

-KJ said...

CORRECTION: Finances are NOT what I would love.

Mandy said...

thanks for the nice things you said about me...your doubley as amazing as i am!
i never have the right words to say when close friends and family are struggling but i can listen well and sometimes that is all anyone needs. i DO think you guys are living your lives the RIGHT way and although you may be struggling in all different aspects of your life, you guys are truly HAPPY. sure things can be better, but just remmeber how close your family is and how you guys are all working together for whats best for your family as a whole. i have no doubt if you just keep your family and the Saviour first and do your best, life will be good. im not saying all your troubles will go away, but from my experiance, if i am happy and my relationship with my husband, kids and the Saviour are good, i can find focus and strength to tackle the hardest of trials. i dont know if i really made any i said im not all that great with words. hang in there and find joy in the simple things around you. :) love ya

Lisa Mc said...

I don't know what is going on in your life, but I will tell you I know from experience that God is ALWAYS watching out for us. I looked back at mt life 6 months before Emiy's accident and the Lord was preparing me for what was to come. If I had not listened I would have not made it through that tough time in my life!!! Emily talked with TC the day before his accident. He told her what a miracle she was, she told him he could do it if he had to.
He said no he didn't think he could. TC was the kindest man,he was so good to so many people, and set a great example. He will be missed by all of us! It really make you think about how many things in our lives are just fluff!! When you have a situation like we had you immediatly cut all the fluff out of you life!!! Be strong & faithful! Lisa

Amber said...

I just read the whole blog. I'm so sorry about the loss of your friend. I can tell this boy was amazing. Heavenly Father must really need him right now to be a missionary. Situations like this really bring things into prospective, don't they?
As for the hard time you're going through right now, I am so so sorry. Please call me if I can do anything for you.

amanda lynn photography said...

what the hell?

not that this needs to be on a blog but we NEVER talk. pshhh.

dunno, but hope you are ok nonetheless.

thanks for your comments.