In the last what, 4 months(?) I've done a ton of things. The best one of those things is new baby Oskar. Another one of those thing is court. Some of these things were good, and some were bad, but for the most part, I'm still here and breathing.
I've come to realize a few things about myself. I am one of those people who comes off as an extrovert, which I am. I am always talking to people, when in a crowd I seem to have a way of making myself around it and meeting everyone there. I can't go to the store without leaving as a best friend to the check out girl/boy. I'm a talker. I was blessed with the gift of gab. I am not shy.
When I stress out though, when situations cause me to fall to my knees, hands clasped and knuckles white pressed against my forehead, I turn into a hobbit. My neighbors can attest to this. I think they've figured out my moods just by watching my door.
Lately, and I mean the last 4 months, it's been bad. I've had to force myself out to the store, to the post office. I'm on my knees in prayer, pleading for a moment of relief for sometimes hours every day. I pray in the car, I'm praying when I stare outside at the mountains from my room, I'm what you might call "introverted by stress".
I've taken to running through my blessings when I find myself unable to get out of bed. My kids keep me on my toes and it's all I can do just to keep up with them. And then I have to work! It's almost impossible for me to get everything done and I get so overwhelmed.
Know what I need? Really, do you know what I really need? A trip to Hawaii? A billion dollars? A new car? Sure, all of this would be nice but let's keep it real. I just want all my laundry done and my house cleaned all the way. Not just picked up like my kids and I do every day, but CLEANED. It's impossible I think. So I fret.
School starts in 2 weeks. Let's see if that helps.
Oh Oskar...thank goodness you're here. I sure love this baby.
3 comments:
you ARE alive!!!!! Giiiirl, you had me worried. I hope things get easier for you. I can't imagine how hard it must be, especially with a 4 month old. I'll be thinking of/praying for you!
Congrats again on the sweet baby boy. He's a doll :)
PS: I'm totally knocked up... 17 weeks. Any advice (on ANYTHING baby) would be greatly appreciated.
I'm the opposite - total introvert. If I had to choose between going to a party or staying home and reading a book, I'd choose the latter. I wish I wasn't this way, but I'm a bit of a social disaster and, more or less, don't know what to do with myself when I'm around people.
In any case, I'm totally with you on the rest. If I had to choose between a vacation to Paris or for someone to come and clean my floors, I'd choose the latter in a heartbeat. Right now we just spot-clean with baby wipes and I have a feeling they would look much nicer (and probably a different color) if someone came at it with an actual mop saturated with official, floor cleaning solution.
I have missed you! Don't ever go away again. Your family is beautiful!
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