Monday, February 4, 2013

Actions Speak Louder Than Words, Even When Those Words Are Screamed in Your Face

Today has been crazy, it has been hard. For some reason, Mike woke up this morning and knew he needed work from home and the reason he needed to be here was evident about an hour ago. Today was nuts. Today was crazy. You know what today taught us?  Today taught us that some people just aren't living in reality. Mike and I have been here every single day for these kids we are raising for the last 8 years, and I've been there since their birth. I have an adult daughter who went through some hard times, but she's married, happy, working, in college classes and she has an amazing relationship with all of us in this house. We talk to her EVERY DAY. The next daughter graduated with above a 3.0, and she's in college, has had the same sweet boyfriend for 3+ years and she comes home every night and talks to my husband and I for an hour before bed, all while going to school full time and then she also keeps a job at night. 

Our next son is the most tender hearted kid. He struggles with school, like SO MANY DO, but he always has since Kindergarten. He is a good brother, athletic, smart and honest. We are so proud of him. If a few grades are the only thing he's struggling with, so be it. I see kids every day with piercings everywhere all over their face, doing drugs, running away, abusing people, fighting, drinking, stealing and guess what. Grades?  We can and are working with that. The next son is seriously the most generous, loving kid I could ask for. He's smart, a good friend, talented, musical and such a good brother. He's more mature than half of the adults I know, and he's probably one of the coolest people I've ever met. Plus, he's had good grades all of his life and he always asks for help with schoolwork when he needs it. 

Seriously, my kids are going through some awful stuff. We've been criticized, Mike and I, for not being "parents" here, but here's the kicker, we're being accused of that by someone who's been all but a ghost for the last 7 years. We do our best EVERY DAY. We have kids who love us, who don't do drugs, who come home every night, who can confide in us, who know that we can have discussions about important things and they're not going to be yelled at. Our kids KNOW we love them because we've been there every day. Actions SCREAM louder than words. I'm so glad they're all almost adults, they see, are seeing, have seen...and they're making their own choices. We're behind them 100%, just like we've been every single day. Day in, day out. 

We aren't perfect, but we do our damn best. They see this, and we know they do because they're making hard choices that we told them they need to be the ones to make. We have always believed in teaching our kids how to be functional, independent adults when they leave our home, and that means letting them have choices and then making them be accountable either good or bad. They know this, and we know they do because they are old enough to see that the proof is in the pudding. They know who's been here and who hasn't. And yes, it hurts them to realize this but the world isn't always a pretty place. We've put in the work, and they know it, they've lived it.

We love these kids. It's not fun watching them struggle. They're such good kids. I wish they heard it from everyone in their lives, but they don't. In the mean time, we ARE parents, there IS parenting going on in this house and you can see it in the fact that for the last 8 years, we've done it alone and look. 2 successful adult children, 2 teenage boys who come home, who are awesome, who don't do drugs or drink, who love us and their siblings, and really, isn't that all you could really want in this life?  We love you guys so much, Tiffany Webb, Kenzie, Jonah and Casey. You mean everything to us.  Hang in there, and know that no matter what, we'll ALWAYS love you and be here for you. We will always choose you first.

Love, Mama and Daddy M

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