Yesterday I went to my regularly scheduled appointment with Dr. Jonesie. He came in, made small talk and it didn't take long before he was sending me again over to the hospital next door "just to make me feel better". He said "me"...not me. You know what I mean. So then I go out to my car and drive 14 spaces over to the hospital, walk inside to the elevators and call in to the nurses so they can let me into the Labor & Delivery area. Just so you know, even Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible couldn't break into this area. It's secure and more intimidating are the pastel colored scrubs draped nurses who wait inside for anyone who comes down the hall. Trust me, they may look innocent but I assure you, they're not. They're scary. Like the Pope.
Anyway, nurses hook me up assuring me the entire time that this should only take about 15 minutes because we're just looking for normal accelerations and decelerations in her heart and that 99% of babies respond to voices and sound and prodding so it shouldn't take long. *cue Jeopardy theme song*
2 hours later, they realize what I've been telling them the whole time. Lola is mellow. She kicks yes, but only when she's uncomfortable and even then, it's more like an aggressive'ish stretch. Oh and then sometimes she will give you a good stand up, and I'm grateful that this doesn't happen often as I think she's figured out that I'm only 5'3". We gotta work with what we got, right?
So after they all "oooh" and "awww" about how mellow she is they bring in this vibrating button gun, which to me looked and sounded a WHOLE lot like a taser. Yep dude, they effing TASED my baby...but you best believe it got her heart racing. Boy howdy did it ever. I'm sure she was sobbing in there. So I told the nurses half jokingly that they were rude and got my shoes on and left.
I went downstairs to the coffee shop to get an orange juice and while I was walking down the long hospital halls, I called Mike. I told him about the whole experience and how little Lola was so mad and how she's just mellow and wants to relax but if you piss her off she will really let you have it.
ME: "Babe, I tried to tell them that she's just really mellow. She's not in distress, how many times do we have to have a Non-Stress Test? I mean really? She's just the opposite of me. She's just chill and she just wants to hang out. She's not DEAF, she's just listening."
HIM: "Welcome to my life..."
