Tuesday, September 22, 2009

{ Ok, Here's The Situation (insert Fresh Prince lyrics here) }

So when I first started my first blog, "Blogger" was in beta, and nobody even knew what it was. I tried to explain it to my dad who thought it was a "chat room" and he said "stop. stop. don't even talk about it. we don't really approve of this chat room stuff you're doing or blog or whatever". Anyway. I was blogging when blogging was apparently taboo. I originally started blogging to help me journal about my 2 year journey through separation and divorce. Blogging was my place to say what I felt, even if I slipped a cuss word in there (I have a love/hate relationship with the "S" word) and it was a place of solace for me. Blogging was my best friend from 2003 until about 2006. I met many of my good friends that I have now around the country, and one of my VERY best friends and her family through online/blogging means.

The reason for this explanation? I miss blogging the REAL stuff. I miss the time when blogging wasn't a bunch of CAPITAL LETTERS thrown in with "..." and some UpPeRcAsE aNd LoWeRcAsE garbage. I'm not judging anyone, but simply stating a preference, or a pet peeve of mine if you will. You know when you find a restaurant and you love it and then EVERYONE goes there and suddenly it's too packed to enjoy, and the food starts to become mediocre and you start to find yourself hating the place for no apparent reason? That's about how I feel. I remember when my family (the Oblads and the Nelsons) used to go to St. George every 4th of July. Nobody else we knew did it, and we loved it! Pretty soon other families were joining us and it was still fun, but after a few years, other families were claiming it as their tradition, and when they'd see us there, in St. George, they'd be like "Oh, you come here too? We started this tradition a few years ago". Uh yes, we come here too. We've been coming here for 17 years. Thanks. I also remember when the Oblads and Nelsons went to Disneyland for Halloween because Nevada had the day off from school. One more thing we did waaaaaaaay back in 1979. By the mid 80's, everyone did it and we'd get the whole "oh, your family is copying our family. We've been coming here on Halloween for like 3 years". For real, Eliza and I would hear that garbage. We wanted to be like "So yeah, we know you've been coming here for 3 years, our family invited your family to come way back then". So to end this lovely rant (really, I'm saying all of this as I'm laughing, there's seriously no bitterness to it! I think it's hilarious how much it angered us back then. Now we're just like "yes! tons of people we know are here! I miss our Vegas friends and we get to see them at Disneyland!") all I'm saying is, blogging became that place where everyone was (which was super awesome) but it got diluted and competitive and fake, and I felt like I had to apologize for a "down post" or one where I wasn't all sunshine and bunnies. Basically, I felt like I couldn't be myself in my own journal.

That is the entire point of blogging folks, from the beginning. It wasn't created as a place for people to brag about how cute this is or how awesome they are or how much their cookies are better than other peoples cookies are, blogger's original platform was that they were building an "Online Journal" for people who needed it. I don't care if it's used differently, but the original purpose is now frowned upon. I just wanted to journal, and that's what I used to do. Not everything is sunshiny in your life, and not everything is rotten either. That's how journals work. I bet for all of you people who kept real journals as kids could open up to pages and see lots of times where your journal was the only place you got to tell how you really felt. Blogging isn't that anymore for me. It hasn't been ever since it became like one of those rooms where all the girls get together to compare how cute they are. So basically, my dad 7 years ago totally predicted the future. Blogging is like a chat room now.

So here's my dilemma. I am expecting my last baby. We are so thrilled you have no idea. They told us in January that there was no chance I'd carry another one and we weren't even trying and by the literal grace of God, we are getting that baby that we had just figured we'd see in another life. Anyway, I want to blog about the good, the bad, the ugly, and if I wanna say "damn it", well by jove, I'm gonna say it!

I'm wondering how you all feel. Do you feel like you can't be yourself on your blog? Be honest. Can you really say what you're feeling, or do you find that you just don't blog on those days/topics you think aren't all happy and cute? Give me some feedback on it, and if the general consensus is that I'm off my rocker and that I should just blog/journal about the wonderous things that come out of being a mother and a wife, then by golly, I'll just do that.

What I meant to say was:

Hey, I wish I could blog about myself and my real day even if it's bad! Most of my days are good, but I'd love to be able to blog about bad days too! That is all!!! Oh and once again, I am not talking about ANYONE I KNOW. So, yeah. Chee-uhl. :)

(whew! my goodness! My entire point was lost somewhere in that babbling above. I should take some classes on editing my posts into ones like the above blue part. Much less difficult to misunderstand. I hate words.)

Thanks guys.

UPDATE: I am in no way hating on anyone I know personally. Actually, I'm not hating at all. I hate those uppercase/lowercase things and that's all I hate. :) What I'm saying is that I don't care how you use your blog, talk about whatever you want! That's my point! If you wanna talk about your dog, by all means, for real, if that's "you"? Talk about your dog! For real! I'm just saying that I find that I have to "edit" what I say on my "journal". Does that seem right? I'm not judging other people's topics and posts, that's exactly what I'm saying. I don't want to be judged on my "journal". K, so now that that's clarified (I hope?)


amanda lynn photography said...

i used to have a livejournal which i loved because i was 100% me (pre-photography business). i did tear it down. i then started using blogging as a business tool which is now just that. so yes it is refined in a business sense. although i may sneak in a rare post or two that is a cry of me wanting to come out and play. i've lost that freedom i feel because i gather i can be a bit "too" me for what i'm blogging for.


David and Teishi Kennedy said...

I'll chime in. I can totally respect how you define your blog and what you hope to receive from it. And so, when I visit your blog, read, comment, etc. I have that in mind. But... you have to also understand that when you visit my blog, the frame of reference is totally different. I have different goals. Mainly, to keep my California family (who complains that they don't see enough of Amelia) up to date and included in my little girls' fast-paced life. I don't use those ridiculous upper-case and lower-case type styles (hate, hate, hate them), and my personal journaling is done on my computer in another, private place. That's just me. Do I think that there is room in the blog-o-sphere for all kinds of blogs? Sure, why not. I just don't judge and I certainly don't have to visit the dumb ones either. So do what you want and feel good about it!

Alli Easley said...

Teishi, I have no issue with other people posting about their kids, I do the same thing. I hope to always do the same thing! I'm talking about the fact that I can't be myself on MY blog. I just find it now that when I "journal" on my blog about me or my feelings, I can't be free to say those things that are real. I can totally respect that like Amanda said above, some people use it for business purposes (I do too) and for updating family members (I do that too)and I'm the last person to tell anyone what to say on their blog. That's my point. I want to be able to say what I feel, what I think, what "I" personally have on my mind as a person, as a mother, as a wife, as a sister and friend. I don't want to feel like all I am is a mother and that all I can post about is my kids. I just feel like that freedom is gone.

Mandie, I had a Livejournal too! Oh the early days of online journals right? What a hoot.

Lyd said...

I agree with you. I use my blog as a journal, of sorts. But I don't really have too many negative ones on there. I wrote one not too long ago that made me sound all depressed (it was 3 am mind you) and people got worried...so I erased it. But I do feel free to write most what ever I want. Who cares what others thing!!

You can totally write what's on your mind, happy on not. I love reading your posts. They are always good. They make me laugh and others around me at the library wonder what I'm laughing at, so it makes it that much better. :)

You're the best. Side notes:

My friend had a blog titled "The Good, The Bad, The Blog." Positive and negative things on there and she gets hits all over the world. She kinda reminds me of you a little. Truly a great writer.

I HATE the whole UppERcAse loWErCaSe business and I always have. Makes me want to punch someone.

Nelson/Oblad traditions are the best. Trendsetters!

All my comments were really random.

I'm done.

Alli Easley said...

LYD! See, the fact that you felt you had to delete that post, that's exactly what I'm talking about. I'm not worried about if people want to talk about their kids, I actually never mentioned that in my post at all. I'm always talking about my kids and how they're crazy. I'm talking about what you got out of my post! Those times when you actually can journal and say what you feel and not have to delete it. I wasn't hating on mommybloggers, and never in my post did I say that, I'm seriously talking about exactly what you described Lyd. About some loss of being able to say the truth, even if it's ugly. I don't read your friends blog (maybe I should!) but I used to have a blog (many of my still readers can attest) that was UGLY as heck and it was honest to a fault, and it was written about how I felt during my difficult divorce, and it had over 700 followers. I know people appreciate the truth, but do they "accept" it anymore? Maybe it's a cultural thing now, who knows. That's why I'm askin y'all!

Also, you and your marathon running butt ROCK!!!

Lyd said...

Well, it was partially my choice to erase it. It really was ridiculous. I got sad over something I read about someone I like. So, partially, yeah, I could have kept it up there for a "journal entry" sake, but for my dignity, and because it was really late, I thought best to erase it. haha But I do find it sad when people say "sorry for the downhearted post." Um, why are you apologizing?! It's you're blog! Write what ever you want. People can choose to read it or not. They can choose to leave a comment, positive or negative. Just some people these days are too critical. Lighten up people! Life isn't always cupcakes and butterflies. Everyone, and I mean everyone has their days, and they should be able to write about it without having to be critiqued.

Thanks!! I should have a new post up soon! And you TOTALLY ROCK for being so supportive. Really, it means a lot! :D

Stacey Eaton said...

I get it. And I get that readers will judge you good and bad on what you write (that's reality) and that can hold a writer back. Which is definitely not what a writer should feel as they journal. My opinion is that it is too public. You have no control over the viewer and their thoughts. Too which I say, make it private. For only your eyes only. Or for your eyes and your immediate family. Or for your eyes and immediate family and extended family. (You get the point). I hugely prefer the private feeling, though you don't get a lot of feedback, which is okay with me. My private blog is more like a private journal with family and a few good friends can see that I TRUST.

Wow that was long for a comment. Good luck.

mawayment said...

I have to say I was kind of laughing when I started reading your post. You are talking about wanting to have "real" post even if they are down in the mud and not having a warm fuzzys but all I could concentrate on is your background with flowers and clouds and a sunny day. :)

In all honesty though it is your blog do what YOU want. I love hearing I am not the onlyone that is going crazy! Love you!

Alli Easley said...

Hey Stace! Thanks for your comment! It's not the "privacy" part of it, I'm not going to say anything I wouldn't say in a crowded room, it's the fact that it's become so that one has to apologize for being a real person. That's all.

Aim, yes, we're all crazy here. Now if we were just ok to talk about it with the general public... ;) Love you too!

Alli Easley said...

Oh and about the "background" or "theme", I totally was going to change it this morning and thought that it would fit perfectly with my point of not having to always talk about the sunshine and flowers. Heheh. I'm glad you caught that.

Dani said...

To bring on a famous well loved quote, "Beeeee yourselffffff!" [The Genie in the form of a bee in "Aladdin"]

I love the honesty you write with - in all it's forms good, bad and ugly. Love it, love it, love it. If others get offended or don't like it, well HECK, they don't have to read it. Keep on keepin' on. [as I say that I think of my own neglected, dusty, spiderweb ridden blog that I use to keep my family up to date. Need to get on it ;]


-KJ said...

I say go for it. We are raw women. Take a look at our matriarchal line for heavens sake! I have found I use my blog to journal our families experiences, but I am also loving LDSjournal.com. I feel like I can write the stuff that is personal, sacred, and emotional that I don't need everyone reading. I love to read others true emotions, venting, praising, but then again we are kindred spirits.
I don't know if you are private or not, personally I think that not being private is half the fun, but I don't have ex's with new wives. Can we say run-on sentence. Anywho, if it is private, who the hayolla cares. Say it all. If they don't want to read it than don't come back to visit!

Mel said...

I agree with KJ. Ironic though considering she hasn't posted anything since March! Ha! I have slacked lately on my blog. Now I am sad about it because there are things good and bad that have happened in my life that I should have blogged about and now can't remember.(But would like to remember for those days when I need to look back and reflect.) I don't mind that my blog isn't private. I have gotten some great advice from people I don't even know. And being raw...shows you are human. Life isn't all cupcakes and butterflies. We all learn the greatest of lessons from the hard stuff. And sometimes it isn't our hard stuff. I get a lot out of reading about others struggles. It sometimes makes me realize that my life isn't bad and reminds me when it is good. And lets me offer a virtual hug to those that need it.

I love reading your blog. You are a great story-teller and you're real! Love it!

Stacey Eaton said...

My point with it being private is that we tend to hold back if, say, we "think" our bishops wife or employer may be reading....Aint no saying the "D" word then, huh?!

Ryan & Lauren Nelson said...

I lOvE DisnEyLanD!!! wE Haven"T goNe TherE oN HalLoWeeN In ForEvEr iT seEms, WeLL thE NelSOn's aT LeasT...Too CroWdEd wIth AlL TheSe NeW NevAda Day Fans. HEy, Us ObLads aNd NelsOn's sHouLd BriNg bAcK BriGht coloRed FaNnY paCks sO eVeryOne wIlL cOpy anD thE WorLd WilL fInaLlY tUrn iNto A PlAce wHerE NoBoDy lOses anYthIng caUse itS rigHt oN tHeIr hIpS!!!

Alli Easley said...

Ryan. You are sick.

Dani, KJ and Mel, you're right. I'm going for it. I AM danging.

Stacey - let's just hope the bishop's wife doesn't read any posts where I say the "D" word right? Yikes! ;)

Tiffany said...

Wow!! Alot of good comments!! I just blog about whatever! There are times I dont blog about certain personal stuff just because I dont care for others to see it! But I feel like I can be myself on mine! I love blogging because it gives me a chance to blog about life and life with kids! I TOTALLY agree with Kissy and the whole LDSjournal.com! BUT that's me! There are some things I like to keep private but most stuff I blog about! If you or whoever wants to blog about hell or butterflies it doesn't make any difference to me! I still read and still comment and still think it's awesome to read about others and their lives! Great post and I really enjoy coming here because you really do have a way with words!

ashleyO said...

I love Ryan.

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Anonymous said...

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I don't mean this in a bad way, of course! Societal concerns aside... I just hope that as memory becomes cheaper, the possibility of copying our brains onto a digital medium becomes a true reality. It's one of the things I really wish I could experience in my lifetime.

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Anonymous said...

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I don't mean this in a bad way, of course! Ethical concerns aside... I just hope that as technology further innovates, the possibility of uploading our memories onto a digital medium becomes a true reality. It's a fantasy that I daydream about every once in a while.

(Posted on Nintendo DS running [url=http://quizilla.teennick.com/stories/16129580/does-the-r4-or-r4i-work-with-the-new-ds]R4 Card[/url] DS SysBro)